Last Wednesday, I weighed 181.5; that's an 8.5 pound weight loss this month. The smaller I get, the harder it will be for me to have "big" results. I haven't been to the gym, but I have been working out in the yard a lot which is great exercise, and if you don't believe me, come do my laundry some weekend. This week it was push-mowing, trimming trees, hedges, clearing out brush and weeds (with hand clippers, mind you; I'm too scared to use a weed eater.) and playing ball with my dog.
I'm doing OK with my eating, trying to make healthier choices and trying to avoid sweets. This weekend has been tougher on me, though, because I HAD TO HAVE ice cream Friday night or my head was going to spin around and the earth would have tilted on its axis. Not pretty. But, I went to the driving range and worked up a sweat afterward, so I didn't feel guilty about it.
One thing I noticed this weekend is I'm having a hard time disciplining myself to drink water. Why, I don't know, but it has been a struggle to get myself to drink water. When I have been thirsty, I grabbed a Diet Coke. I know that soda is not going to hydrate me, but it tasted good, so that was the avenue I took.
Sometimes I feel like there's a brick wall standing between me and my goals. I can see the other side, and boy, does it look good. But, every time I take a step forward, I slam right into that brick wall. Instead of looking at the wall, I look at the other side. I have yet to figure out what my wall is made of- fear, change, denial, lack of discipline, ambivalence- I'm sure all have their appropriate place in the mortar, but I haven't quite found my sledge hammer to pound my way through. I'm comfortable in my size 14 pants and size Large shirts, and that may be more of an issue than I realize. I'm comfortable. I feel good. I don't feel fat anymore; I don't feel unhealthy, and though I'm not satisfied with my belly fat, I'm not disgusted by myself, either. I was happy at 175, so that's what my target is right now. I would really like to identify this wall, though. I guess the contents will be revealed in its own time.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
What Has Gotten into Me?
Folks, I don't know what's going on with me, but I am DRAINED. Every night when I get home, the only thing I want to do is take a nap. I don't have that luxury due to dinner prep, cleaning, homework, etc. Every now and then, I might take a cat-nap while the kids are playing, but I am having the hardest time pulling myself up by my boot-straps and get moving. I haven't been to the gym at all this week, and last weekend I ate like a fool while I was in KC visiting my sister. If I maintain my weight, it will be divine intervention, for sure.
Tonight, I cleaned for an hour and worked up a little bit of a sweat, so I'll give myself points for that, and I played guitar with the kiddos for a while. Yes, I'm grasping at straws, here, but I am proud of myself for not sitting still all night like I wanted to.
My slip-up in KC has left me craving sweets again, so that battle continues. It was too soon in my sugar-fast to introduce them back into my diet, and I knew that, but I took a chance anyway. Deep sigh.
But, that's where I am today! And tomorrow is a new day to begin again. I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew my journey wasn't over. I'll get there, and so will you. Let's just keep putting one foot in front of the other and pushing toward the goals at hand.
Tonight, I cleaned for an hour and worked up a little bit of a sweat, so I'll give myself points for that, and I played guitar with the kiddos for a while. Yes, I'm grasping at straws, here, but I am proud of myself for not sitting still all night like I wanted to.
My slip-up in KC has left me craving sweets again, so that battle continues. It was too soon in my sugar-fast to introduce them back into my diet, and I knew that, but I took a chance anyway. Deep sigh.
But, that's where I am today! And tomorrow is a new day to begin again. I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew my journey wasn't over. I'll get there, and so will you. Let's just keep putting one foot in front of the other and pushing toward the goals at hand.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
When's It Gonna Be "The Right Time"?
I had the privilege of hearing a motivational speaker today who reminded me of how important it is to live for today- right now, in this moment. He spoke of his sons, who are now grown and gone, and reminisced about how he spent their childhood waiting for them to basically be grown and gone. And, now that they are, he wishes he could have just one more Friday night football game- just one more baseball practice.
For those of you, like me, who wait for just the right time to talk to that person, wait for inspiration, wait to get motivated, but continue to live life on life's terms, when is it going to be the right time? Will you wake up ten years from now and still be right where you are right now? Ten years ago, did you think you would be where you are today? Ten years ago, I was pregnant with my first child and scared to death at how my life was about to change. Ten years from now, I'm certain I will have that same fear when my daughter is in college and my son is driving.
It's nearly midnight on the eve of another school year beginning in my hometown. My children are excited about tomorrow and anxious to know what the day will bring. I am trying to follow their example and apply it to my own tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow because I am blessed to have a career I enjoy. I'm looking forward to weighing in tomorrow because I know I've done a good job this week. I'm looking forward to another opportunity to treat myself and others kindly.
What's holding you back? Is it fear? Lack of discipline? Let me ask you this: If you were guaranteed an opportunity for promotion at work, and all it was going to take was a few weeks of buckling down, would you do it? There's a reward at stake, so most of us would probably jump on that. So, if you're willing to work hard for others, will you work hard for yourself?
Here's a question I'd like to throw out to you: Is what you're doing right now getting you toward your goal? Weight loss isn't complicated, but it is hard. It's hard because it requires a well-formulated plan, consistency, and action. Do you have a plan? I know you have a "want", but do you have a plan?
Here's mine:
1. Drink water. 80+ ounces a day. 32 ounces before lunch, 32 ounces before 5:00, and 8 ounces at home.
2. Keep my caloric intake under 1400 calories per day.
3. Work out four nights a week for at least 45 minutes at a time.
4. During workouts, keep heartrate at 145-150.
5. No sweets.
I'm not always perfect in my execution, but I'm getting pretty good at making adjustments when I realize I've left something out. If I don't drink my 32 ounces before I leave work, I drink it at night. If I go over 1400 calories, I work out longer. Leave yourself room for error but not failure. I've said it before, and I say it again, now. Your past doesn't have to determine your present or future. The only failure when you've been kicked to the mat is staying down.
For those of you, like me, who wait for just the right time to talk to that person, wait for inspiration, wait to get motivated, but continue to live life on life's terms, when is it going to be the right time? Will you wake up ten years from now and still be right where you are right now? Ten years ago, did you think you would be where you are today? Ten years ago, I was pregnant with my first child and scared to death at how my life was about to change. Ten years from now, I'm certain I will have that same fear when my daughter is in college and my son is driving.
It's nearly midnight on the eve of another school year beginning in my hometown. My children are excited about tomorrow and anxious to know what the day will bring. I am trying to follow their example and apply it to my own tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow because I am blessed to have a career I enjoy. I'm looking forward to weighing in tomorrow because I know I've done a good job this week. I'm looking forward to another opportunity to treat myself and others kindly.
What's holding you back? Is it fear? Lack of discipline? Let me ask you this: If you were guaranteed an opportunity for promotion at work, and all it was going to take was a few weeks of buckling down, would you do it? There's a reward at stake, so most of us would probably jump on that. So, if you're willing to work hard for others, will you work hard for yourself?
Here's a question I'd like to throw out to you: Is what you're doing right now getting you toward your goal? Weight loss isn't complicated, but it is hard. It's hard because it requires a well-formulated plan, consistency, and action. Do you have a plan? I know you have a "want", but do you have a plan?
Here's mine:
1. Drink water. 80+ ounces a day. 32 ounces before lunch, 32 ounces before 5:00, and 8 ounces at home.
2. Keep my caloric intake under 1400 calories per day.
3. Work out four nights a week for at least 45 minutes at a time.
4. During workouts, keep heartrate at 145-150.
5. No sweets.
I'm not always perfect in my execution, but I'm getting pretty good at making adjustments when I realize I've left something out. If I don't drink my 32 ounces before I leave work, I drink it at night. If I go over 1400 calories, I work out longer. Leave yourself room for error but not failure. I've said it before, and I say it again, now. Your past doesn't have to determine your present or future. The only failure when you've been kicked to the mat is staying down.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Temptation, Temptation, Everywhere!
I am still on a high from my 4.5 pound weight loss in one week. Let me just throw a mild disclaimer in that I do not condone that much weight loss in one week, and truth-be-told, this is probably water-weight and my metabolism kicking into gear. I won't have that type of result again.
A healthy weight-loss goal is no more than 2-3 pounds per week. These diets you read about that promise a twenty-pound weight loss in 30 days? Get ready to yo-yo. They may work in the short-term, but for long-term results, my experience says to shoot for 2-3 pounds a week. Let me break it down for you how I did it for myself.
According to my BMR (Basic Metabolic Rate), I burn about 1600 calories just living every day. That is breathing, blinking, digesting food, tapping my foot...whatever. So, if I want to maintain the weight I am at right now, I need to eat exactly 1600 calories per day to break even. Since I want to lose weight, I am keeping my caloric intake at about 1400 calories. I'm already creating a 200 calorie deficit right there, and I haven't even hit the gym yet.
It hurts my head to do much more calculating after that. But keep in mind that just doing a little research and knowing a few numbers can make the difference in this journey. I'm still reminded of that darn candy bar... It took me 5.5 miles on the bike just to burn that bad boy off.
A friend of mine knows I am PMSing hard-core this week thanks to a rant on Facebook about my lack of chocolate and did the sweetest thing. She inter-officed me a bag of Peanut M&M's because she knows how much I love them. The gesture was wonderful! And, they are sitting in my desk drawer at work, unopened, as a reminder of the kind things friends do for each other. She didn't realize I am on a no-sweets fast, bless her heart. But, I'm stronger than that paper wrap. The instant gratification that snack would offer is not worth the derailment that would follow if I allow myself to eat it. And the guilt? Oh I would feel guilty.
And the resentment? "Why do I have to watch every damn thing I put in my mouth when so many other people can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound?" Because I'm me. And this is how I'm built. I can adapt and overcome, or I can make peace with my larger self and eat what I want. It is what it is. Some things are harder for others. This is my cross to bear. I may struggle with my weight for the rest of my life, and I am accepting that more and more. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but I liken it to someone with a food allergy. They can eat their allergen all day long and suffer from it, or they can avoid that which causes them pain/physical stress and avoid it because they know what the repercussions are.
I'm tempted all the time. Tonight, it was brownies and cookies at a carry-in. My mouth WATERED and they smelled so good! But, I didn't have one. Because where I am right now? One would have led to a binge when I got home. I can't give you any reason why other than I know myself well enough to recognize the trigger. I know this is hard-somedays impossible it seems. But it's doable- one smart decision at a time.
A healthy weight-loss goal is no more than 2-3 pounds per week. These diets you read about that promise a twenty-pound weight loss in 30 days? Get ready to yo-yo. They may work in the short-term, but for long-term results, my experience says to shoot for 2-3 pounds a week. Let me break it down for you how I did it for myself.
According to my BMR (Basic Metabolic Rate), I burn about 1600 calories just living every day. That is breathing, blinking, digesting food, tapping my foot...whatever. So, if I want to maintain the weight I am at right now, I need to eat exactly 1600 calories per day to break even. Since I want to lose weight, I am keeping my caloric intake at about 1400 calories. I'm already creating a 200 calorie deficit right there, and I haven't even hit the gym yet.
It hurts my head to do much more calculating after that. But keep in mind that just doing a little research and knowing a few numbers can make the difference in this journey. I'm still reminded of that darn candy bar... It took me 5.5 miles on the bike just to burn that bad boy off.
A friend of mine knows I am PMSing hard-core this week thanks to a rant on Facebook about my lack of chocolate and did the sweetest thing. She inter-officed me a bag of Peanut M&M's because she knows how much I love them. The gesture was wonderful! And, they are sitting in my desk drawer at work, unopened, as a reminder of the kind things friends do for each other. She didn't realize I am on a no-sweets fast, bless her heart. But, I'm stronger than that paper wrap. The instant gratification that snack would offer is not worth the derailment that would follow if I allow myself to eat it. And the guilt? Oh I would feel guilty.
And the resentment? "Why do I have to watch every damn thing I put in my mouth when so many other people can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound?" Because I'm me. And this is how I'm built. I can adapt and overcome, or I can make peace with my larger self and eat what I want. It is what it is. Some things are harder for others. This is my cross to bear. I may struggle with my weight for the rest of my life, and I am accepting that more and more. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but I liken it to someone with a food allergy. They can eat their allergen all day long and suffer from it, or they can avoid that which causes them pain/physical stress and avoid it because they know what the repercussions are.
I'm tempted all the time. Tonight, it was brownies and cookies at a carry-in. My mouth WATERED and they smelled so good! But, I didn't have one. Because where I am right now? One would have led to a binge when I got home. I can't give you any reason why other than I know myself well enough to recognize the trigger. I know this is hard-somedays impossible it seems. But it's doable- one smart decision at a time.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
And the Verdict is...
4.5 pounds down this week! Holy cow! I weighed in at 185.5 this morning. I was so perplexed, I stepped back on the scale to double check. I do believe this sugar fast is working for me!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tomorrow Tells All!
Tomorrow, I weigh in. After a week of workouts, water-drinking, and watched calories, I hope the scale will offer me a small reward. I felt thinner today, but I was wearing a new shirt, and that always happens to me when I wear new clothes. Maybe I just stand a little taller.
Last night, I kind of made a mistake, but I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I guess I made a bad decision. I went to a meeting after work, rushed home, donned my uniform, and headed to the gym prepared for an all-out sweat fest. But, I had not eaten dinner.
I ran on the treadmill for what felt like an hour but was only ten minutes. And my body was so tired! So I bailed (and scoffed at my 60 calories burned) and went to the exercise bike. Twenty minutes in, I was beyond exhausted. I started to get angry with my body when I realized I hadn't given it any food to fuel this excursion. I hadn't eaten since a small snack at 3:00, and it was nearing 8:00pm. Sometimes I wonder if I should be left alone with myself.
So, there's another lesson for you, dear readers. Even someone who has been at this for two and a half years forsakes their own rules. Never leave town on an empty tank, and never work out on an empty stomach.
I'm hoping for a one-pound weight loss tomorrow. Judging by the calories in vs. calories out, I might accomplish that. If not? Back to the science lab to examine my Petri dish and adjust accordingly.
PS: The cake was a hit at work! And I didn't secretly hope everyone who ate my favorite cake choked on it. Progress!! :)
Last night, I kind of made a mistake, but I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I guess I made a bad decision. I went to a meeting after work, rushed home, donned my uniform, and headed to the gym prepared for an all-out sweat fest. But, I had not eaten dinner.
I ran on the treadmill for what felt like an hour but was only ten minutes. And my body was so tired! So I bailed (and scoffed at my 60 calories burned) and went to the exercise bike. Twenty minutes in, I was beyond exhausted. I started to get angry with my body when I realized I hadn't given it any food to fuel this excursion. I hadn't eaten since a small snack at 3:00, and it was nearing 8:00pm. Sometimes I wonder if I should be left alone with myself.
So, there's another lesson for you, dear readers. Even someone who has been at this for two and a half years forsakes their own rules. Never leave town on an empty tank, and never work out on an empty stomach.
I'm hoping for a one-pound weight loss tomorrow. Judging by the calories in vs. calories out, I might accomplish that. If not? Back to the science lab to examine my Petri dish and adjust accordingly.
PS: The cake was a hit at work! And I didn't secretly hope everyone who ate my favorite cake choked on it. Progress!! :)
Sunday, August 7, 2011
When Slips Become Falls
I hope you don't read this blog and think I have it all figured out, conquered, and proudly run through the streets waving my checkered flag. I write this to be as honest and real with people who do not share my struggle and to give comfort and encouragement to those of you who do. I have spent too much time walking around my elephant and just want to call a spade a spade. This blog has been such a great tool for me, because I can see (as well as you, dear readers) how the patterns in my life ebb and flow. But, life happens; weight is gained and lost. And the fact that the journey still continues makes me smile.
I admit that when I hit my goal weight, I was a bit melancholy. I reached my goal and didn't have anything to push toward anymore. Now, I'm not saying I have gained weight intentionally by any means, but I do wonder if I haven't slipped into some sort of self-sabotage mode. It happened right before I went below 200 pounds; it happened again at 191 and 181. It's definitely something I feel needs attention.
I, first, noticed my "slips" when I was back to grazing at 3:00pm every day. It was as if some internal buzzer dinged and I was off and running. I wandered around the office looking for food, and if none was to be found, I'd run to the vending machine for some fantastic chocolaty reward. And one day, I couldn't make up my mind on what to buy, so I bought both. I ate one package before I got back to my desk so no one would see my 500 calorie binge. I justified that decision with, "I'm going through a hard time and PMS is a bitch." Perhaps my biggest temptation is ice cream. One hot day, someone in the office made a DQ run. So I placed my order, ate it, and then for the next two weeks, I had ice cream ever night after the kids went to bed-sometimes two bowls. Can anyone see how I've gained 14 pounds in 13 weeks? I can keep going if I haven't proven my point yet.
Today at lunch, we were talking about what we had for dessert. I didn't have anything available, so I whipped up a carrot cake real quick and never thought a thing about it. I was on my way back from Columbia this afternoon when I realized the error in my decision. That is my favorite cake! I just presented myself with a 13x9 speed bump on my no-sweets road! What was I thinking? The next question is, "Tami, did you eat any cake?" With a puffed-up chest, I can say, "No." and grin. But, you can bet your sweet lace-up shoes that I'm taking that cake to work tomorrow to get it OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Another slip: three weeks ago, I decided to test myself and smoked a Swisher Sweet cigarello. I justified it by saying, "It's not a cigarette, so it doesn't count." The next weekend, I had another one. Then I had a few more over the course of last week, and I've now had one a day for the last 4-5 days. Being a nicotine addict sucks. But, I've learned a lesson, here. I will never be one of those people who can enjoy it occasionally. I have to put it down completely and never touch it again. Am I addicted again? No, but I am playing with fire in the most literal sense and must walk away from my friend again. I know if I don't, I'll become a regular smoker again, and I know all-to-well how easy that can happen.
So, the lesson for this week? I am incapable of "maybe just a bite" and "maybe just a puff." The addictions I have may lay dormant and seem conquered, but minor slips for me can easily turn into major falls if I allow myself to cave to temptation.
I admit that when I hit my goal weight, I was a bit melancholy. I reached my goal and didn't have anything to push toward anymore. Now, I'm not saying I have gained weight intentionally by any means, but I do wonder if I haven't slipped into some sort of self-sabotage mode. It happened right before I went below 200 pounds; it happened again at 191 and 181. It's definitely something I feel needs attention.
I, first, noticed my "slips" when I was back to grazing at 3:00pm every day. It was as if some internal buzzer dinged and I was off and running. I wandered around the office looking for food, and if none was to be found, I'd run to the vending machine for some fantastic chocolaty reward. And one day, I couldn't make up my mind on what to buy, so I bought both. I ate one package before I got back to my desk so no one would see my 500 calorie binge. I justified that decision with, "I'm going through a hard time and PMS is a bitch." Perhaps my biggest temptation is ice cream. One hot day, someone in the office made a DQ run. So I placed my order, ate it, and then for the next two weeks, I had ice cream ever night after the kids went to bed-sometimes two bowls. Can anyone see how I've gained 14 pounds in 13 weeks? I can keep going if I haven't proven my point yet.
Today at lunch, we were talking about what we had for dessert. I didn't have anything available, so I whipped up a carrot cake real quick and never thought a thing about it. I was on my way back from Columbia this afternoon when I realized the error in my decision. That is my favorite cake! I just presented myself with a 13x9 speed bump on my no-sweets road! What was I thinking? The next question is, "Tami, did you eat any cake?" With a puffed-up chest, I can say, "No." and grin. But, you can bet your sweet lace-up shoes that I'm taking that cake to work tomorrow to get it OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Another slip: three weeks ago, I decided to test myself and smoked a Swisher Sweet cigarello. I justified it by saying, "It's not a cigarette, so it doesn't count." The next weekend, I had another one. Then I had a few more over the course of last week, and I've now had one a day for the last 4-5 days. Being a nicotine addict sucks. But, I've learned a lesson, here. I will never be one of those people who can enjoy it occasionally. I have to put it down completely and never touch it again. Am I addicted again? No, but I am playing with fire in the most literal sense and must walk away from my friend again. I know if I don't, I'll become a regular smoker again, and I know all-to-well how easy that can happen.
So, the lesson for this week? I am incapable of "maybe just a bite" and "maybe just a puff." The addictions I have may lay dormant and seem conquered, but minor slips for me can easily turn into major falls if I allow myself to cave to temptation.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Where I am
In the 13 weeks since I quit smoking, I have managed to gain 14 pounds and weighed in at 190 pounds yesterday morning. I felt my heart simulaneously pound and break. I heard my inner athlete whisper through choked-back tears, "That's only 10 pounds from 200. What are you doing to me?" I'm scared, irritated with myself, and energized. I know how to do this. I've done this before, and I can do this again.
Yesterday, I had a little less than 1400 calories in and burned approximately 1100. I mowed for 80 minutes then went to the gym and pumped out 5.5 miles in 20 minutes. Seeing the pool of sweat drops under that bike made me smile and reminded me how much I love and missed this.
Today, I'm so tempted to weigh, and I know better than to follow through with that. I will only get discouraged when it doesn't budge. Rome wasn't build in a day, and 5 pounds doesn't melt over night. I am on day three of no sweets, increasing my water intake, taking my mult-vitamin, and increasing my activity level. So here we go!
My sister said something to me during the warrior dash that has been echoing in my mind ever since. She said I've always had that internal drive- the stamina to endure physical exersion. And when she said that, she had no idea that I was fighting a HUGE mental battle at that moment. About a mile into the race, I started getting chills, nausea, a headache, dizziness, and I recognized these symptoms immediately. I was on the verge of a heat-related illness which scared me. One side of me was nudging me to tap out, quit...fail. The other side was calming me, talking me through it... "You know what to do. Slow down, back off, cool down, drink water. You're fine; you've got this."
I began to think of all the things that I have done in my life that were harder, more miserable, and I survived them- hell I even dominated. I went through basic training in the summer of 1996 in South Carolina. And it was HOT. I was fully-dressed wearing combat boots, carrying a 35 pound ruck sack and an 8 pound M-16. I drank water from lister bags with 3 inch cockroaches and rotting leaves floating in the top. I have lost 60 pounds, kicked a food addiction, had my heart broken (repeatedly), quit smoking cigarettes, and learned to build my own life for the first time at 32 years old. It's amazing what you can make yourself do when you don't give yourself a choice.
Yesterday, I had a little less than 1400 calories in and burned approximately 1100. I mowed for 80 minutes then went to the gym and pumped out 5.5 miles in 20 minutes. Seeing the pool of sweat drops under that bike made me smile and reminded me how much I love and missed this.
Today, I'm so tempted to weigh, and I know better than to follow through with that. I will only get discouraged when it doesn't budge. Rome wasn't build in a day, and 5 pounds doesn't melt over night. I am on day three of no sweets, increasing my water intake, taking my mult-vitamin, and increasing my activity level. So here we go!
My sister said something to me during the warrior dash that has been echoing in my mind ever since. She said I've always had that internal drive- the stamina to endure physical exersion. And when she said that, she had no idea that I was fighting a HUGE mental battle at that moment. About a mile into the race, I started getting chills, nausea, a headache, dizziness, and I recognized these symptoms immediately. I was on the verge of a heat-related illness which scared me. One side of me was nudging me to tap out, quit...fail. The other side was calming me, talking me through it... "You know what to do. Slow down, back off, cool down, drink water. You're fine; you've got this."
I began to think of all the things that I have done in my life that were harder, more miserable, and I survived them- hell I even dominated. I went through basic training in the summer of 1996 in South Carolina. And it was HOT. I was fully-dressed wearing combat boots, carrying a 35 pound ruck sack and an 8 pound M-16. I drank water from lister bags with 3 inch cockroaches and rotting leaves floating in the top. I have lost 60 pounds, kicked a food addiction, had my heart broken (repeatedly), quit smoking cigarettes, and learned to build my own life for the first time at 32 years old. It's amazing what you can make yourself do when you don't give yourself a choice.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
The Warrior Within
I am surprised I can even type right now, since I just did something I never thought I could do. My sister, her partner, and I completed the Warrior Dash 5K in Kansas City today. 3.1 miles of hills, obstacles, mud, and HEAT. It was 98 degrees with a heat index of about 110.
I cannot express to you how proud of myself I am right now. I have been really down on myself lately due to the fact that I have gained 12 pounds since I quit smoking. But today, I proved to myself that I am not out of this game- I'm not even DOWN. I'm just turning the page to a new chapter in my journey.
This 5K may have been exactly what I needed to get myself back in the game. It felt so GOOD to be sweating, running at times, exerting myself, and tapping into my inner warrior. I was reminded again today that I am an ATHLETE, and I've come so far- too far to give up now.
Tomorrow is August 1st. I hereby declare my pity party over; it's time to reclaim my place on this weight loss journey.
I cannot express to you how proud of myself I am right now. I have been really down on myself lately due to the fact that I have gained 12 pounds since I quit smoking. But today, I proved to myself that I am not out of this game- I'm not even DOWN. I'm just turning the page to a new chapter in my journey.
This 5K may have been exactly what I needed to get myself back in the game. It felt so GOOD to be sweating, running at times, exerting myself, and tapping into my inner warrior. I was reminded again today that I am an ATHLETE, and I've come so far- too far to give up now.
Tomorrow is August 1st. I hereby declare my pity party over; it's time to reclaim my place on this weight loss journey.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Falling Off the Wagon
I struggled with whether or not to write this blog update, but I figured it was important to be honest and open about where I'm at right now. This is how my journey goes...ups and downs, highs and lows... difficult and even harder. (Notice I didn't say "easy". LOL) And this is also something I think many folks will relate to as well. So, there ya have it.
Wow, it doesn't take much to get derailed on a weight loss journey, huh? I have been racking my brain trying to remember the last time I went to the gym, and it's probably been two weeks at least, maybe longer. I haven't been drinking my water, haven't been watching my caloric intake or observing portion control...and I have eaten like CRAP repeatedly, so I am really dreading hopping on the scale Wednesday. There have been some changes in my life that required more of my attention than my weight loss journey, so it got put on the back burner again. And that's the way it works for me, sometimes. I have to slow down, regroup, tend to the hottest burning fire, and once it's satisfactorily contained, then I can resume my mission at hand.
And, I have to admit my ego wrote a check my butt couldn't cash. I am, for the most part, really happy with myself right now and have other issues that need more of my focus....BUUUUUUUT, I heard several people around me saying how they'd like to lose weight and were struggling, so I puffed up my chest and thought I'd lead the way. I know how to do this, I can motivate them, and I can lose ten pounds to look smoking hot on the beach in Florida. And not only did I not lose ten pounds, I've gained 5-8 pounds (depends on how I hold my tongue that day as to what the scale says.) That's what I get for trying to get fired up for someone else's mission.
Forty-eight days ago, I quit smoking. And about forty-five days ago, every healthy habit I fought so hard to learn and apply flew right out the window. I fought the good fight and didn't replace cigarettes with food per se, but I have noticed my binges are back. This evening when I was making supper, I had eaten several bites of carrot cake right out of the pan. (See, it doesn't COUNT if you don't put it on a plate and plan to eat it. Uh huh... right.) I bought almonds as a snack to have at work... great choice, sure, as long as I don't eat three servings at a time! I could go on and on, but it'd be pointless. Bottom line: I'm off my game.
I think I am suffering from a ruptured give-a-damn. My motivation isn't there, my discipline is virtually non-existent, and my desire for change hasn't exceeded my discomfort. Until that happens, there's no amount of tough talk I can do that will make myself do anything if my head and heart aren't one in the mission. (As frustrating as that is.) My inner-athlete is DYING to go for a run and get a good sweat-on. Every day I tell her "game on", and every night I apologize to her that we didn't get it done. In the meantime, though, I can see the weight gain around my abdomen and feel that fear welling up inside that I'll gain all this weight back, and I can't allow it to happen. But with a ruptured give-a-damn...well you can see why there's a major internal battle going on right now.
So my goals right now are to get back to my core basics: drink two 32-ounce cups of water at work every day, detox off of sugar (again.), observe portions, and try to get moving here and there. Making small changes and slowly introducing this back into my schedule- easing myself back into it- "bringing healthy back." LOL... Love y'all!!
Wow, it doesn't take much to get derailed on a weight loss journey, huh? I have been racking my brain trying to remember the last time I went to the gym, and it's probably been two weeks at least, maybe longer. I haven't been drinking my water, haven't been watching my caloric intake or observing portion control...and I have eaten like CRAP repeatedly, so I am really dreading hopping on the scale Wednesday. There have been some changes in my life that required more of my attention than my weight loss journey, so it got put on the back burner again. And that's the way it works for me, sometimes. I have to slow down, regroup, tend to the hottest burning fire, and once it's satisfactorily contained, then I can resume my mission at hand.
And, I have to admit my ego wrote a check my butt couldn't cash. I am, for the most part, really happy with myself right now and have other issues that need more of my focus....BUUUUUUUT, I heard several people around me saying how they'd like to lose weight and were struggling, so I puffed up my chest and thought I'd lead the way. I know how to do this, I can motivate them, and I can lose ten pounds to look smoking hot on the beach in Florida. And not only did I not lose ten pounds, I've gained 5-8 pounds (depends on how I hold my tongue that day as to what the scale says.) That's what I get for trying to get fired up for someone else's mission.
Forty-eight days ago, I quit smoking. And about forty-five days ago, every healthy habit I fought so hard to learn and apply flew right out the window. I fought the good fight and didn't replace cigarettes with food per se, but I have noticed my binges are back. This evening when I was making supper, I had eaten several bites of carrot cake right out of the pan. (See, it doesn't COUNT if you don't put it on a plate and plan to eat it. Uh huh... right.) I bought almonds as a snack to have at work... great choice, sure, as long as I don't eat three servings at a time! I could go on and on, but it'd be pointless. Bottom line: I'm off my game.
I think I am suffering from a ruptured give-a-damn. My motivation isn't there, my discipline is virtually non-existent, and my desire for change hasn't exceeded my discomfort. Until that happens, there's no amount of tough talk I can do that will make myself do anything if my head and heart aren't one in the mission. (As frustrating as that is.) My inner-athlete is DYING to go for a run and get a good sweat-on. Every day I tell her "game on", and every night I apologize to her that we didn't get it done. In the meantime, though, I can see the weight gain around my abdomen and feel that fear welling up inside that I'll gain all this weight back, and I can't allow it to happen. But with a ruptured give-a-damn...well you can see why there's a major internal battle going on right now.
So my goals right now are to get back to my core basics: drink two 32-ounce cups of water at work every day, detox off of sugar (again.), observe portions, and try to get moving here and there. Making small changes and slowly introducing this back into my schedule- easing myself back into it- "bringing healthy back." LOL... Love y'all!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Heeding Mama's Warning
Mama raised me with the, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" mantra. Being her highly-verbal and even more emotional daughter, this has proven to be a good tool for me in life. Which is why my blog updates have been few and far between the last few weeks. See, I quit smoking on May 10th, and I can tell you right now, for the last nearly four weeks, I haven't even liked being around myself, let alone exposing anyone else to my insanity.
This has been a struggle on a multitude of levels for me. The last time I quit smoking, I simply replaced cigarettes with food, and as a result of that, I gained 30 pounds. I can't do that this time. And let me tell you, I am HUNGRY. I'm not just snackish..I'm famished- all the time. I chew gum; I drink water, I run; I do deep-breathing exercises...and that empty knaw in the pit of my stomach is unsatisfied. I try to reach out to folks and get my mind on other things, I pray, I even cried. LOL.... And when nothing else worked, I had a snack.
And I gained six pounds in one week.
So feel free to share in my disappointment briefly, though ever-so-briefly, because I am not getting stuck on that ledge, I can tell you that. I'm feeling better, now. Tomorrow makes four weeks smoke-free, and almost two weeks nicotine-free. (I used the e-cigs for the first two weeks to break the habit, then I weened myself off the e-cigs.) In breaking this addiction, I have relapsed into some old food/eating habits, and some of them before I even realized it. What my struggle is now, though, is fighting the urge to go back to what I know which is food...binging. Comfort, ol' reliable. I've told you before that two of my emotional eating triggers are anger and loneliness; well I had cigarettes to help when I was lonesome, and now I don't have that anymore. So, instead of replacing my "friends" with food, I'm having to make myself find other things to do. Very frustrating. In that moment, I want to smoke. And I can't. So then I think "Well, then eat." And I can't. So then I'm angry ON TOP of lonely. Rapid-fire triggers, one right after the other. It's been a very rough four weeks.
So, once again, I'm picking myself out of an unhealthy situation and making my own way through to a healthier lifestyle. Right now, life is pretty tough to deal with, I can comfortably say. But, it's getting better, and I know it won't last much longer, and I won't feel like this forever.
As I told a friend a few days ago when he asked me about a completely different topic, "A little compassion and patience and a lot of faith and trust in God goes a long way." I'm applying that to myself, now, as well. I feel for what I'm going through. This is rough! Instead of shoving myself along and whipping myself with "shoulds", I'm giving myself some grace.
So I may not be the poster child for healthy eating right now...oh well, big deal. I have full faith that I'll be OK. Meanwhile, if you aren't doing as well as you hoped on your journey right now, keep looking at the goal. You'll get there. :) I'm proud of you for not giving up!
This has been a struggle on a multitude of levels for me. The last time I quit smoking, I simply replaced cigarettes with food, and as a result of that, I gained 30 pounds. I can't do that this time. And let me tell you, I am HUNGRY. I'm not just snackish..I'm famished- all the time. I chew gum; I drink water, I run; I do deep-breathing exercises...and that empty knaw in the pit of my stomach is unsatisfied. I try to reach out to folks and get my mind on other things, I pray, I even cried. LOL.... And when nothing else worked, I had a snack.
And I gained six pounds in one week.
So feel free to share in my disappointment briefly, though ever-so-briefly, because I am not getting stuck on that ledge, I can tell you that. I'm feeling better, now. Tomorrow makes four weeks smoke-free, and almost two weeks nicotine-free. (I used the e-cigs for the first two weeks to break the habit, then I weened myself off the e-cigs.) In breaking this addiction, I have relapsed into some old food/eating habits, and some of them before I even realized it. What my struggle is now, though, is fighting the urge to go back to what I know which is food...binging. Comfort, ol' reliable. I've told you before that two of my emotional eating triggers are anger and loneliness; well I had cigarettes to help when I was lonesome, and now I don't have that anymore. So, instead of replacing my "friends" with food, I'm having to make myself find other things to do. Very frustrating. In that moment, I want to smoke. And I can't. So then I think "Well, then eat." And I can't. So then I'm angry ON TOP of lonely. Rapid-fire triggers, one right after the other. It's been a very rough four weeks.
So, once again, I'm picking myself out of an unhealthy situation and making my own way through to a healthier lifestyle. Right now, life is pretty tough to deal with, I can comfortably say. But, it's getting better, and I know it won't last much longer, and I won't feel like this forever.
As I told a friend a few days ago when he asked me about a completely different topic, "A little compassion and patience and a lot of faith and trust in God goes a long way." I'm applying that to myself, now, as well. I feel for what I'm going through. This is rough! Instead of shoving myself along and whipping myself with "shoulds", I'm giving myself some grace.
So I may not be the poster child for healthy eating right now...oh well, big deal. I have full faith that I'll be OK. Meanwhile, if you aren't doing as well as you hoped on your journey right now, keep looking at the goal. You'll get there. :) I'm proud of you for not giving up!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
So NOW what do you do?
I threw down the challenge to lose ten pounds about two weeks ago, right? I've been drinking water, watching what I eat, working out, and guess what!! No weight loss in two weeks. None. I've been consistently keeping my caloric intake around 1500-1600 calories, working out, drinking water, and there were no results.
"But Tami, you've been trying so hard!" Yes, but I haven't been hitting it as hard as I could. I haven't eliminated all of my "bad foods" from my eating plan; I haven't drank 80+ ounces of water today. I'm pretty happy with my workout frequency, but I can see now that I haven't been giving it the fore-thought or attention it needs, either. I've been going through the motions, and it was evident on the scale this morning. My focus has not been where it needs to be.
I am not surprised by this at all, actually. There are so many things you can do halfheartedly and skate by, but weight loss isn't one of them, and I know that! I know I can't eat sweets right now, and I've done it anyway. I know where I need to keep my heart rate, and I've been blowing right past my fat-burn zone into conditioning mode. I know I need at least 80 ounces of water a day to keep myself well hydrated, and I've been settling for 50-60. I know this stuff like the back of my hand. And yet, I didn't give it everything I had. It's time to shift out of neutral and into drive. No more coasting, no more letting time pass me by. No more self-defeating... It's time to engage.
Tonight, instead of running for 30 minutes (which jacks my heart rate up outside of my fat-burn zone), I ran 1.5 miles and went to the exercise bike and pulled 4.5 miles in.
#1- I kept my heart rate in the fat burn zone.
#2- I switched up my routine.
#3- I chose the bike for max calorie burn for my time. (out of the treadmill, elliptical, and bike, the bike is a better choice for max calorie burn.)
#4- I increased my workout time slightly.
#5- I still got my "fix" for running and conditioning. Win/win!
If this was you, what would you do? If you are continuing to do the same thing over and over again and getting no results, are you going to stick with the same routine and hope that maybe NEXT time it will work? How much more time will you waste on that which isn't working for you?
You're worth it; you deserve it; you want it, now GO GET IT!!
"But Tami, you've been trying so hard!" Yes, but I haven't been hitting it as hard as I could. I haven't eliminated all of my "bad foods" from my eating plan; I haven't drank 80+ ounces of water today. I'm pretty happy with my workout frequency, but I can see now that I haven't been giving it the fore-thought or attention it needs, either. I've been going through the motions, and it was evident on the scale this morning. My focus has not been where it needs to be.
I am not surprised by this at all, actually. There are so many things you can do halfheartedly and skate by, but weight loss isn't one of them, and I know that! I know I can't eat sweets right now, and I've done it anyway. I know where I need to keep my heart rate, and I've been blowing right past my fat-burn zone into conditioning mode. I know I need at least 80 ounces of water a day to keep myself well hydrated, and I've been settling for 50-60. I know this stuff like the back of my hand. And yet, I didn't give it everything I had. It's time to shift out of neutral and into drive. No more coasting, no more letting time pass me by. No more self-defeating... It's time to engage.
Tonight, instead of running for 30 minutes (which jacks my heart rate up outside of my fat-burn zone), I ran 1.5 miles and went to the exercise bike and pulled 4.5 miles in.
#1- I kept my heart rate in the fat burn zone.
#2- I switched up my routine.
#3- I chose the bike for max calorie burn for my time. (out of the treadmill, elliptical, and bike, the bike is a better choice for max calorie burn.)
#4- I increased my workout time slightly.
#5- I still got my "fix" for running and conditioning. Win/win!
If this was you, what would you do? If you are continuing to do the same thing over and over again and getting no results, are you going to stick with the same routine and hope that maybe NEXT time it will work? How much more time will you waste on that which isn't working for you?
You're worth it; you deserve it; you want it, now GO GET IT!!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
One Day at a Time
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The quote above was my signature line on my email account for a long time. I absolutely love it because it reminds me to not stand in my own way. It reminds me not to be lazy or complacent with my goals. I don't want to be "good enough." I don't want to be average or normal. I don't want to skate by or settle because it was easier. I don't want my days to be tolerated or my life to be lived without effort's evidence popping out on my forehead. I want to show up at Heaven's gates with sweat dripping, muscles burning, gasping for air, and give St. Peter a knuckle bump as he screams, "Tami, that WAS AWESOME!!!"
I want to work toward my goals with such an intensity that it is almost intoxicating to be around me. I want to help motivate people the way others have motivated me. I don't feel I was put on this journey by accident; I believe I was placed on this path with the idea that #1- I would not only succeed but excel, and #2- to share my experiences with others and offer strength and hope when needed. I cannot tell you how awesome it feels to think God thinks I'm that cool. :)
For me, it's all about the mind-set. It's all about making a commitment to myself for better days ahead. If I say to you, "Well, I'll try to babysit your kids Friday night." That's not a commitment. That's not yes or no, therefore that is not plan-worthy. That's tentative. As I said on Facebook tonight, (yeah, I'm 'one of those people' lol) "I've found most of my battles are fought on my own land. To say "I'm going to try" leaves me open to fail. "I am losing weight; I am quitting a nasty habit (smoking)." As ye speak so shall it be. I'm standing firm on my commitments ...'Do or do not; there is no try.' "
I encourage you to write ten things you wish/hope for right now. Big or little- "silly" or serious.
"I wish for financial security."
"I hope to lose ten pounds."
Then look at your list again and reword it.
"I wish for financial security." Change that to "I am working toward financial security.""I hope to lose ten pounds." Change that to "I am working on losing ten pounds."
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
How do you get to be 84 years old? One day at a time, my friends. Because let's face it; no matter what you do in the next 24 hours, those 24 hours are still going to pass. It's up to you to determine how you're going to experience them. Be bold; be courageous today. Let's rock!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Discipline Easy? Ha!
I don't have a lot of self-discipline by nature. I don't! I trick myself into doing what I want to do. Have you ever heard of the ego, the super ego, and the id? (Freud's explanation of the three parts of our psyche. Look it up; it's interesting.) Well I tend to be stuck in id mode...instant gratification, impatient, something-shiny-syndrome at its finest. Why wait when the future begins RIGHT NOW? Let's go, let's go, let's go! I'm the kind of gal you want on your team when you need results ASAP. As for the how or the details? Leave that to someone else...I'm your action girl. Bring it on. I get these ideas and WHOO HOO, I'm off and running. I don't know how I'm going to accomplish all of this in one 24-hour span of time, but who cares, HA-HA! I've had my coffee, and I'm on a mission. And then comes the enacting of said plan. Ooooh. So there has to be some...planning involved? Ew. Boring! Yawn! Blech. Total soul killer...the word "plan."
So, back to the discipline...I have to literally bribe myself sometimes and even TRICK myself. Tonight, I was at the gym. I'd already done 3 miles on the bike in 10 minutes for my warm up, and I was determined to run for 30 minutes straight. So I'm plugging right along, and that little voice in my head crept in... "You already did 3 miles on the bike, and you've run for 12 minutes. Back off, girl! You did good! Now just slow down and coast." Instantly, I felt like I couldn't breathe, my side was hurting, I felt that "need" to stop and (as I saw it) fail. About that time, one of the young ladies I coached on my ball team a few years ago rounded the corner at the gym. So, I asked her to go get me a towel. I covered the monitor of my treadmill so I couldn't see how far or long I had been running. Once I removed that from my immediate sight, I was able to put my focus back on my breathing and finished the 30 minutes.
Here's another trick I use when I'm working out and feel like 'I can't go another minute.' I find a really fun song on my MP3 player and turn my attention to that. Before I know it, I've ran another 5 minutes without stopping. So, then, I find another song... There are nights when I would rather be watching ants cross the street than working out, and I might spend my entire workout dragging my butt through kicking and screaming. Other nights, I can't keep up with myself! It's the nights that are difficult that you need to make sure you have your tools to keep you moving. And that takes discipline.
Lastly, I have been known to Facebook or text friends while working out on a machine. Just hearing other people say "Good job, I'm proud of you! Keep it up! Way to go!" kick-starts me and helps me dig deeper when I'm not in the mood.
So, I have the same demons to face as you. I have cravings, I have down days, I have pity parties... and I also know what it takes for me to win at this game. I've already won; I'm in overtime, now, baby, going for the kill! And you!! You are bigger, better, and stronger than you ever imagined already. Dig deep in yourself and find that sass. You'll be amazed at what one sincere grin and positive statement in the mirror will do for you. Go ahead...try it. Walk up to the mirror, give yourself a good sassy grin, and say, "Man, I'm hot!" And feel free to giggle. I do- every time! :)
So, back to the discipline...I have to literally bribe myself sometimes and even TRICK myself. Tonight, I was at the gym. I'd already done 3 miles on the bike in 10 minutes for my warm up, and I was determined to run for 30 minutes straight. So I'm plugging right along, and that little voice in my head crept in... "You already did 3 miles on the bike, and you've run for 12 minutes. Back off, girl! You did good! Now just slow down and coast." Instantly, I felt like I couldn't breathe, my side was hurting, I felt that "need" to stop and (as I saw it) fail. About that time, one of the young ladies I coached on my ball team a few years ago rounded the corner at the gym. So, I asked her to go get me a towel. I covered the monitor of my treadmill so I couldn't see how far or long I had been running. Once I removed that from my immediate sight, I was able to put my focus back on my breathing and finished the 30 minutes.
Here's another trick I use when I'm working out and feel like 'I can't go another minute.' I find a really fun song on my MP3 player and turn my attention to that. Before I know it, I've ran another 5 minutes without stopping. So, then, I find another song... There are nights when I would rather be watching ants cross the street than working out, and I might spend my entire workout dragging my butt through kicking and screaming. Other nights, I can't keep up with myself! It's the nights that are difficult that you need to make sure you have your tools to keep you moving. And that takes discipline.
Lastly, I have been known to Facebook or text friends while working out on a machine. Just hearing other people say "Good job, I'm proud of you! Keep it up! Way to go!" kick-starts me and helps me dig deeper when I'm not in the mood.
So, I have the same demons to face as you. I have cravings, I have down days, I have pity parties... and I also know what it takes for me to win at this game. I've already won; I'm in overtime, now, baby, going for the kill! And you!! You are bigger, better, and stronger than you ever imagined already. Dig deep in yourself and find that sass. You'll be amazed at what one sincere grin and positive statement in the mirror will do for you. Go ahead...try it. Walk up to the mirror, give yourself a good sassy grin, and say, "Man, I'm hot!" And feel free to giggle. I do- every time! :)
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Staying Motivated
I don't have much time, here, but one question I get asked all the time is how I stay so motivated. It's very easy. I don't ever want to feel the way I did physically when my "start" pictures were snapped, and I don't ever want to feel the shock and disgust with myself when I actually SAW myself as I was in those pictures. Physically, I hurt all over! My back hurt, my hips hurt, my knees hurt, my feet hurt.... over 100 extra pounds on a 5'4" frame is not a good thing, y'all! So, when I started this thing, it had nothing to do with vanity. It was strictly a rescue mission from a life lived with pain. When I saw the pictures, it all snapped together. "That's WHY I hurt all the time." Since I am a big weenie and hate being in pain, I was almost relieved because I knew there was something I could do to alleviate my discomfort. So I got busy.
Staying motivated: #1-the key is taking this thing one day at a time.
Divide your journey into small increments. Give yourself "easily" attainable goals. If 10 pounds is to much to comprehend, then go with 5 first.
Build up some confidence in yourself! If you're like I was, you lost the ability to trust and believe in yourself a long time ago.
DO NOT WEIGH EVERY DAY. Once a week, y'all...once a week! I weigh every Wednesday morning.
Find someone to share this journey with you. Many of you are using me right now, and I am truly honored and humbled by that! I'm more than happy to hold your hand and walk beside you! And know that no subject or question is off limits. Like I've said before- been there/done that; so don't feel bad if you have to call and sob because you had a binge fest or after all of your work, the scale didn't budge. Progress is our goal. And even if you're weight doesn't shift in the next week or two, know that you are making excellet progress in your lifestyle.
As for me, today?? I'm wearing my goal jeans. Size 12 baby! And now? Oh the places we'll go! LET'S ROLL!!
Staying motivated: #1-the key is taking this thing one day at a time.
Divide your journey into small increments. Give yourself "easily" attainable goals. If 10 pounds is to much to comprehend, then go with 5 first.
Build up some confidence in yourself! If you're like I was, you lost the ability to trust and believe in yourself a long time ago.
DO NOT WEIGH EVERY DAY. Once a week, y'all...once a week! I weigh every Wednesday morning.
Find someone to share this journey with you. Many of you are using me right now, and I am truly honored and humbled by that! I'm more than happy to hold your hand and walk beside you! And know that no subject or question is off limits. Like I've said before- been there/done that; so don't feel bad if you have to call and sob because you had a binge fest or after all of your work, the scale didn't budge. Progress is our goal. And even if you're weight doesn't shift in the next week or two, know that you are making excellet progress in your lifestyle.
As for me, today?? I'm wearing my goal jeans. Size 12 baby! And now? Oh the places we'll go! LET'S ROLL!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Day Two: We're on a Roll!
It takes 21 days to make a habit. We're on day two already! Isn't this exciting? This was a tougher day for me than most, but I did a really good job. I have a lot of stressors coming at me all at once right now, and I caught myself being bombarded with cravings today. I wanted to eat like there was no tomorrow, binge like every cookie was made just for me, and salivate until I embarrassed myself. Yeah, it was like that today. But, I did a good job. I drank water and chewed gum, and when I discovered I truly was hungry, I had a light afternoon snack. I bet not even ten minutes had passed, though, and here came more cravings. Sometimes they are so INTENSE! So, I did some deep breathing and tried to get to the root of what was making me want to eat. I was angry and frustrated by something I couldn't figure out at work- both are big triggers for my emotional eating.
It's so important to encompass your "why" factor in with your eating plan and exercise program. Sometimes I catch myself floating in the kitchen looking for something to eat and have no idea why I'm in there. So I ask myself some questions: when was the last time I ate? If it's been 3-4 hours, then yeah, I'm probably hungry. If it was an hour earlier? I might need to drink some water or take a look at myself. Am I lonely? Angry? Sleepy? Those are my three biggest triggers. What are yours? When you find yourself heading for your comfort food, what need/emotion are you trying to soothe or escape? Give this some thought. Maybe journal about it a little so you'll be prepared the next time your trigger gets flipped.
Today, I ate almost 1600 calories and burned almost 500 between mowing the yard and vacuuming the house. Tomorrow, I hope to get in a real workout. I ran Monday night and HOLY CRAP are my quads sore. Whew! The last two nights have been devoted to yard work, which, by the way, STILL COUNTS as activity. (Anyone who thinks their heart rate doesn't get up there when they push-mow a big yard is out of their mind. LOL) I am very proud of myself for updating my daily plate, drinking my water, getting some exercise, updating my blog, and being kind to myself. Oh, and I'm also day two- smoke free! :)
I'm so proud of you for all you've done! I have heard some awesome feedback from many of you, and it's truly amazing the power people have when the decision to make life improvements is made and acted upon. Hang with me, OK? The next 8-9 days are going to be tougher and trickier. But I promise you, for me, it's been worth every battle. You can do this!
Your mission tomorrow: Try to get your heart rate up for 20 minutes. Get it in the "fat-burning" or "calorie burning" zone. If you are unfamiliar with the different target zones during workouts, let me know and I'll go over it. Basically it's like this. If you aren't getting your heart rate up high enough, your workouts will merely be for the sake of maintaining your current weight. If your heart rate is too high, you will go into "conditioning mode" which is more for athletes who train for marathons or play sports for hours on end. They're building muscle and endurance. We need that middle ground. (My target heart rate is 148-150 for at least 30-45 minutes.)
So tomorrow when you get up or get home from work, go straight to your room and get dressed to the shoes. If dinner has to be delayed by 30 minutes, so be it. Do something nice for yourself!
It's so important to encompass your "why" factor in with your eating plan and exercise program. Sometimes I catch myself floating in the kitchen looking for something to eat and have no idea why I'm in there. So I ask myself some questions: when was the last time I ate? If it's been 3-4 hours, then yeah, I'm probably hungry. If it was an hour earlier? I might need to drink some water or take a look at myself. Am I lonely? Angry? Sleepy? Those are my three biggest triggers. What are yours? When you find yourself heading for your comfort food, what need/emotion are you trying to soothe or escape? Give this some thought. Maybe journal about it a little so you'll be prepared the next time your trigger gets flipped.
Today, I ate almost 1600 calories and burned almost 500 between mowing the yard and vacuuming the house. Tomorrow, I hope to get in a real workout. I ran Monday night and HOLY CRAP are my quads sore. Whew! The last two nights have been devoted to yard work, which, by the way, STILL COUNTS as activity. (Anyone who thinks their heart rate doesn't get up there when they push-mow a big yard is out of their mind. LOL) I am very proud of myself for updating my daily plate, drinking my water, getting some exercise, updating my blog, and being kind to myself. Oh, and I'm also day two- smoke free! :)
I'm so proud of you for all you've done! I have heard some awesome feedback from many of you, and it's truly amazing the power people have when the decision to make life improvements is made and acted upon. Hang with me, OK? The next 8-9 days are going to be tougher and trickier. But I promise you, for me, it's been worth every battle. You can do this!
Your mission tomorrow: Try to get your heart rate up for 20 minutes. Get it in the "fat-burning" or "calorie burning" zone. If you are unfamiliar with the different target zones during workouts, let me know and I'll go over it. Basically it's like this. If you aren't getting your heart rate up high enough, your workouts will merely be for the sake of maintaining your current weight. If your heart rate is too high, you will go into "conditioning mode" which is more for athletes who train for marathons or play sports for hours on end. They're building muscle and endurance. We need that middle ground. (My target heart rate is 148-150 for at least 30-45 minutes.)
So tomorrow when you get up or get home from work, go straight to your room and get dressed to the shoes. If dinner has to be delayed by 30 minutes, so be it. Do something nice for yourself!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Calories and Food Choices
I know I told y'all not to make big changes all at once, but I feel it's important to share with you that I'm actually working two journeys right now simultaneously and for good reason. I made the commitment to drop ten pounds yesterday, and at the same time, I have quit smoking. (Feel free to cheer. Yay!) I need to do these at the same time, though, because I am SCARED TO DEATH of gaining weight when I quit. The last time I quit, I gained 30 pounds, and I will not tolerate that! So, there. Now that's off my chest and we can move on.
OK- so baby steps. Today was day one: Did anyone get overwhelmed? If so, think about why. Did you try to make too many changes in one day? Are you feeling deprived in your eating plan? (To all of you newbies...I do NOT say the "D" word... To many, Diet= punishment, but we are in control; therefore, we have an eating plan.) Did you put too much pressure on yourself? If so, here's some GREAT news! A new day starts in about one hour. So "forgetaboutit." Start fresh with a new day. If you are satisfied with how your day went, AWESOME JOB! I'm proud of you! :-)
Am I the only one who finds examining my eating plan similar to dissecting a crime scene? When I find a new food I really enjoy and want to incorporate into my eating plan, I love to look it up...just that moment of anticipation, "Oh is this going to be good or bad?" I enjoy gaining more knowledge and insight to how to properly fuel my body and get more "bang for my buck". Imagine how excited I was to find a sandwich at Picklemans that didn't blow my diet! (Grilled Mozarella Cheese on Wheat= 351 calories. Sometimes I add turkey which kicks it up to a little over 400.) For someone like me who enjoys going out to eat, I can tell you now: Do your homework! If you know you're going to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner tonight, Google "Ruby Tuesdays calorie count" or go to their website and look over the nutritional value in advance. Then you don't have to fly by the seat of your pants, you'll know what the smart choices are and be a little more relaxed.
Become familiar with your eating plan. Today, my meals were similar to yesterday, but I increased my caloric intake and came in just a hair below 1400 calories. I burned approximately 441 calories while mowing tonight, and after looking at my percentages on The Daily Plate, I really need to start focusing more on the sodium levels in foods. This is the second day in a row I've blown WAY over the top of the recommended daily allowance.(Oh, speaking of which... for those of you who don't like to cook or don't have time and like to supplement with frozen dinners, a word of caution... they may be low in calories, but keep your eyes on the sodium levels. It's astounding.)
If you like your 3:00 chocolaty goodness, and if it will make you feel like less of a human if you can't have it, then I encourage you to look them up. For example: 4 Baby Ruth Mini's is only 200 calories. SCORE!! So only eat two! If you like ice cream, take a look at the fudge bars that are only 100 calories per bar. Still feeling like you have to eat celery and raisins for the next 12 weeks? :) I'm telling ya, a little research, a lot of attention, and the willingness to act is a powerful thing. If you are the kind of person that can limit yourself, then build that 100-200 calorie treat into your meal plan.
One more hint for you "fully leaded soda drinkers". Don't forget to count the calories in your beverages. If you drink 3 cans of Coke a day, you just lost 420 calories out of your goal. Mountain Dew drinkers: one 20 ounce bottle is 290 calories. Beware the hidden calories in your diet!
OK, CSI Agents! Let's see what kind of shocking evidence we can unfold and look for alternative choices. I hope you found your water bottle and tennis shoes today. For those of you who journal, this might be a good time to write a few reasons why you want to begin this journey again. If you forget what you're fighting for, the battle has already been lost.
OK- so baby steps. Today was day one: Did anyone get overwhelmed? If so, think about why. Did you try to make too many changes in one day? Are you feeling deprived in your eating plan? (To all of you newbies...I do NOT say the "D" word... To many, Diet= punishment, but we are in control; therefore, we have an eating plan.) Did you put too much pressure on yourself? If so, here's some GREAT news! A new day starts in about one hour. So "forgetaboutit." Start fresh with a new day. If you are satisfied with how your day went, AWESOME JOB! I'm proud of you! :-)
Am I the only one who finds examining my eating plan similar to dissecting a crime scene? When I find a new food I really enjoy and want to incorporate into my eating plan, I love to look it up...just that moment of anticipation, "Oh is this going to be good or bad?" I enjoy gaining more knowledge and insight to how to properly fuel my body and get more "bang for my buck". Imagine how excited I was to find a sandwich at Picklemans that didn't blow my diet! (Grilled Mozarella Cheese on Wheat= 351 calories. Sometimes I add turkey which kicks it up to a little over 400.) For someone like me who enjoys going out to eat, I can tell you now: Do your homework! If you know you're going to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner tonight, Google "Ruby Tuesdays calorie count" or go to their website and look over the nutritional value in advance. Then you don't have to fly by the seat of your pants, you'll know what the smart choices are and be a little more relaxed.
Become familiar with your eating plan. Today, my meals were similar to yesterday, but I increased my caloric intake and came in just a hair below 1400 calories. I burned approximately 441 calories while mowing tonight, and after looking at my percentages on The Daily Plate, I really need to start focusing more on the sodium levels in foods. This is the second day in a row I've blown WAY over the top of the recommended daily allowance.(Oh, speaking of which... for those of you who don't like to cook or don't have time and like to supplement with frozen dinners, a word of caution... they may be low in calories, but keep your eyes on the sodium levels. It's astounding.)
If you like your 3:00 chocolaty goodness, and if it will make you feel like less of a human if you can't have it, then I encourage you to look them up. For example: 4 Baby Ruth Mini's is only 200 calories. SCORE!! So only eat two! If you like ice cream, take a look at the fudge bars that are only 100 calories per bar. Still feeling like you have to eat celery and raisins for the next 12 weeks? :) I'm telling ya, a little research, a lot of attention, and the willingness to act is a powerful thing. If you are the kind of person that can limit yourself, then build that 100-200 calorie treat into your meal plan.
One more hint for you "fully leaded soda drinkers". Don't forget to count the calories in your beverages. If you drink 3 cans of Coke a day, you just lost 420 calories out of your goal. Mountain Dew drinkers: one 20 ounce bottle is 290 calories. Beware the hidden calories in your diet!
OK, CSI Agents! Let's see what kind of shocking evidence we can unfold and look for alternative choices. I hope you found your water bottle and tennis shoes today. For those of you who journal, this might be a good time to write a few reasons why you want to begin this journey again. If you forget what you're fighting for, the battle has already been lost.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Back in the Saddle, Again!
I have gone back and forth on whether or not I wanted to keep going on my weight loss journey after reaching my goal weight. Down 60 pounds, I feel pretty darn good in many ways right now! I conquered an obstacle I'd been trying to beat for 15 years. That is an amazing feeling. But, alas, I am eyeballing the extra cushion around my waist and hips pretty hard-core these days. I threw down a challenge today and already have several folks who are willing to take off ten pounds with me. You don't have to do what I'm doing; find something that works for you! This works for me. (Please keep in mind that I have been my own lab rat for nearly 15 years. I have tried everything under the stars... Weight Watchers, Atkins Diet, South Beach, no sweets, low/no fat, crash diets, fad diets, liquid diets, videos, magazines, (I didn't eat those...thought about it a few times, though.). Dexatrim, Green Tea something, "kill your appetite/boost your metabolism"... do you get the picture yet? I tried it ALL. And I failed.)
I didn't really get wholeheartedly on board with this until this afternoon. I was just about to go fishing for my afternoon snack...even BORROWED a dollar from my co-worker until I could break my $5 and it hit me all at once. Maybe it was a nudge; I don't know. But the next thing I know, I gave him back his dollar, emailed my workout buddy and told her I wanted to go down ten more pounds. She responded immediately and said she's in. I published a quick blog update set my sights for the mission at hand.
Since half of my day had been shot to hell with less than impressive decisions, I decided to begin where I was, then, and take it from there. I drank more water, I didn't go to the vending machine for an afternoon snack. One of my co-workers gave me a piece of gum, and I chugged a few ounces of water to help ward off the sugar craving I was having. And, it worked!
When I got home tonight, I raced to my bedroom and donned my uniform and dressed to the shoes. (My uniform consists of my workout clothes for any new followers. Getting dressed to the shoes mean you're 100% ready to workout...including your shoes.) My workout buddy had my kids at the park and gave me the green light to go run for a while.
I haven't lied to you before, so I'm not going to start now. It was hard! It was hot, I was tired, and I am not in nearly the kind of shape I used to be in. I had all of those old, familiar voices in my head telling me, "You can't do this. It's been too long. You need to build up your endurance. It's too hot. Give up, Tami. No one else will know you didn't run." One thing's for sure. You have to face and dismiss these voices, because there "ain't no outrunning them." So I started firing back with my positive self-speak. "Not only CAN I do this, I AM doing this. I am running, and I feel good about it. I matter." I ran for 30 minutes and got two miles in.
I recommend a website called Livestrong.com, "The Daily Plate". It is free and has a place to track your water intake, calories in and exercise. It is very, very helpful. After I entered in my food choices for the day, I discovered my total caloric intake was actually less than it should have been. (I shoot for 1400-1500 calories a day when I'm in weight-loss mode and 1600-1800 when I'm maintaining.) I only ate about 1200 calories today, and that's too low for me.I will have to keep a better eye on that tomorrow.
I feel I should give you the top ways you can fail at this based on my experience:
1. Make too many changes too quickly.--No life-overhauls today, please. Baby steps!
2. Take on an entirely different eating habit. (As in trade in pork chops for tofu.)--If you don't know what to buy, how to fix it, what it tastes like, or if you'll eat it, then it shouldn't be on your menu. (Except for maybe hummus...that stuff is the bomb.)
3. Look at the overall picture, meaning, the total number of pounds you "need" to lose.-- No one can lose 70 pounds in a week. So don't even focus on that big scary number. Baby steps. One-to-two pounds a week..max.
4. Lose weight rapidly. --If you want to continue to yo-yo, drop 5-7 pounds in a week. Sure, it will make you smile, and it will also return. Proven fact.
5. Say "I can't." -- No one 'has time' for this. It's either something important enough for you to prioritize, or it's not.
Today: I drank almost 64 ounces of water, ate approximately 1200 calories (boo), burned 318 while running, and did not cave to an emotionally-charge crave-fest. :) I learned to make a smarter choice in lunch meats, keep a closer eye on my calories in, and had a small victory against the meanies in my head. Now that I look at this, I had a FANTASTIC DAY! :)
One meal, one decision, one day at a time. You can do this!! Cheers!
I didn't really get wholeheartedly on board with this until this afternoon. I was just about to go fishing for my afternoon snack...even BORROWED a dollar from my co-worker until I could break my $5 and it hit me all at once. Maybe it was a nudge; I don't know. But the next thing I know, I gave him back his dollar, emailed my workout buddy and told her I wanted to go down ten more pounds. She responded immediately and said she's in. I published a quick blog update set my sights for the mission at hand.
Since half of my day had been shot to hell with less than impressive decisions, I decided to begin where I was, then, and take it from there. I drank more water, I didn't go to the vending machine for an afternoon snack. One of my co-workers gave me a piece of gum, and I chugged a few ounces of water to help ward off the sugar craving I was having. And, it worked!
When I got home tonight, I raced to my bedroom and donned my uniform and dressed to the shoes. (My uniform consists of my workout clothes for any new followers. Getting dressed to the shoes mean you're 100% ready to workout...including your shoes.) My workout buddy had my kids at the park and gave me the green light to go run for a while.
I haven't lied to you before, so I'm not going to start now. It was hard! It was hot, I was tired, and I am not in nearly the kind of shape I used to be in. I had all of those old, familiar voices in my head telling me, "You can't do this. It's been too long. You need to build up your endurance. It's too hot. Give up, Tami. No one else will know you didn't run." One thing's for sure. You have to face and dismiss these voices, because there "ain't no outrunning them." So I started firing back with my positive self-speak. "Not only CAN I do this, I AM doing this. I am running, and I feel good about it. I matter." I ran for 30 minutes and got two miles in.
I recommend a website called Livestrong.com, "The Daily Plate". It is free and has a place to track your water intake, calories in and exercise. It is very, very helpful. After I entered in my food choices for the day, I discovered my total caloric intake was actually less than it should have been. (I shoot for 1400-1500 calories a day when I'm in weight-loss mode and 1600-1800 when I'm maintaining.) I only ate about 1200 calories today, and that's too low for me.I will have to keep a better eye on that tomorrow.
I feel I should give you the top ways you can fail at this based on my experience:
1. Make too many changes too quickly.--No life-overhauls today, please. Baby steps!
2. Take on an entirely different eating habit. (As in trade in pork chops for tofu.)--If you don't know what to buy, how to fix it, what it tastes like, or if you'll eat it, then it shouldn't be on your menu. (Except for maybe hummus...that stuff is the bomb.)
3. Look at the overall picture, meaning, the total number of pounds you "need" to lose.-- No one can lose 70 pounds in a week. So don't even focus on that big scary number. Baby steps. One-to-two pounds a week..max.
4. Lose weight rapidly. --If you want to continue to yo-yo, drop 5-7 pounds in a week. Sure, it will make you smile, and it will also return. Proven fact.
5. Say "I can't." -- No one 'has time' for this. It's either something important enough for you to prioritize, or it's not.
Today: I drank almost 64 ounces of water, ate approximately 1200 calories (boo), burned 318 while running, and did not cave to an emotionally-charge crave-fest. :) I learned to make a smarter choice in lunch meats, keep a closer eye on my calories in, and had a small victory against the meanies in my head. Now that I look at this, I had a FANTASTIC DAY! :)
One meal, one decision, one day at a time. You can do this!! Cheers!
Who's with me??
I'm going down another ten pounds. Who's with me?
Here's what we're going to do:
*Increase our water intake to 64 ounces per day.
*Work out 4 times a week
* Cut calories (Need to know what to shoot for? Go to http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm), monitor portion control, and eat to the sigh.
*Break the habit of emotional/comfort eating. (Chew gum or drink water when the afternoon munchies attack)
Remember, the first week is going to be the easiest and the toughest at the same time for different reasons. It will be easy because you're all jacked up and super stoked about attacking the monster again. But it will be VERY TOUGH to hold your feet to the fire! Change sucks sometimes! :) Find a workout buddy or someone to lean on when you're in the midst of a craving. Pick someone you can be real with and who will be gracious yet firm to the goals you set with each other.
Ten pounds- we "got" this in the BAG!! Where are your shoes? Dust off your water bottle, and load up the MP3 player. We have some sweating to do!
Here's what we're going to do:
*Increase our water intake to 64 ounces per day.
*Work out 4 times a week
* Cut calories (Need to know what to shoot for? Go to http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm), monitor portion control, and eat to the sigh.
*Break the habit of emotional/comfort eating. (Chew gum or drink water when the afternoon munchies attack)
Remember, the first week is going to be the easiest and the toughest at the same time for different reasons. It will be easy because you're all jacked up and super stoked about attacking the monster again. But it will be VERY TOUGH to hold your feet to the fire! Change sucks sometimes! :) Find a workout buddy or someone to lean on when you're in the midst of a craving. Pick someone you can be real with and who will be gracious yet firm to the goals you set with each other.
Ten pounds- we "got" this in the BAG!! Where are your shoes? Dust off your water bottle, and load up the MP3 player. We have some sweating to do!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Becoming Willing
Have you ever had a random person run through your mind and think, "I really need to call them", but didn't? Or, have you ever thought "Grab your umbrella; it might rain" only to look up, see a sun-filled sky and leave it at home? How did that mid-afternoon rainstorm work out for ya? Some people call that their gut, others intuition, I call it God.
Last week after church, I made a quick stop at the grocery store to buy some things for our Sunday afternoon barbecue. I was in a hurry, had fifteen different things on my mind, and I knew I needed to get in and get out. I even let my kids sit in the car. I had just grabbed the last thing on my mental list when a sweet southern drawl complimented me on my outfit. I looked up, thanked her and made a joke about freezing to death at the sunrise service, which prompted me NOT to opt for the cute little Easter skirt I had planned to wear. (I am still cold from that!) We chatted for a minute as we both contemplated items on the shelves, and when the usual-but-cordial lull in the conversation came, I started to walk away. But, I felt something stir in me. "Keep talking to her." I thought to myself, "I don't have time for chit-chat; I've got a lunch to get to!"
So, I asked her about her accent. She said she was from Georgia but has now lived here for two years. I explained that my family is from the south and how I'm a sucker for a Southern accent. We exchanged some banter, and again, I tried to walk away, but I felt that nudge inside. "Talk to her, Tami. Don't walk away." Now, I really needed to get going, but I honored that feeling and asked her a few more questions, made a few jokes with her, and the third time I tried to walk away, I felt like I was being held in that spot.
So, I asked her if she'd made any friends since she's lived here, and she said folks were friendly, but that she didn't have any friends, no. So, I did something COMPLETELY out of the ordinary for me; I gave her my cell phone number and told her if she wanted to have a cup of coffee sometime to give me a call. Her face lit up and she got a little teary-eyed. She gave me her number as well and said, "You know, you just might be an answer to prayer."
And that's when I knew that it was God holding me in that aisle. That's when I knew why I was wearing the outfit I had picked out that morning (which was completely opposite of what I had in mind for Easter Sunday and would have been much more appropriate for a funeral in October.), and that's when I knew that I had also received an answer to prayer.
I have been praying for God's will to be done in my life and for Him to use me. I have also been praying for Him to make me willing when the opportunity comes. He needed to use me to answer her prayer, and for that, I am truly humbled and honored. That I was able to set aside my own agenda long enough to receive the blessing that I had asked for, I am truly grateful.
I was so excited when I got home, I called her right away. I left her a voice mail and have not heard from her. And, I may not, but that's OK. Because, I think about her every day and hope that she finds comfort in knowing that there is someone in town she can now call her friend.
Last week after church, I made a quick stop at the grocery store to buy some things for our Sunday afternoon barbecue. I was in a hurry, had fifteen different things on my mind, and I knew I needed to get in and get out. I even let my kids sit in the car. I had just grabbed the last thing on my mental list when a sweet southern drawl complimented me on my outfit. I looked up, thanked her and made a joke about freezing to death at the sunrise service, which prompted me NOT to opt for the cute little Easter skirt I had planned to wear. (I am still cold from that!) We chatted for a minute as we both contemplated items on the shelves, and when the usual-but-cordial lull in the conversation came, I started to walk away. But, I felt something stir in me. "Keep talking to her." I thought to myself, "I don't have time for chit-chat; I've got a lunch to get to!"
So, I asked her about her accent. She said she was from Georgia but has now lived here for two years. I explained that my family is from the south and how I'm a sucker for a Southern accent. We exchanged some banter, and again, I tried to walk away, but I felt that nudge inside. "Talk to her, Tami. Don't walk away." Now, I really needed to get going, but I honored that feeling and asked her a few more questions, made a few jokes with her, and the third time I tried to walk away, I felt like I was being held in that spot.
So, I asked her if she'd made any friends since she's lived here, and she said folks were friendly, but that she didn't have any friends, no. So, I did something COMPLETELY out of the ordinary for me; I gave her my cell phone number and told her if she wanted to have a cup of coffee sometime to give me a call. Her face lit up and she got a little teary-eyed. She gave me her number as well and said, "You know, you just might be an answer to prayer."
And that's when I knew that it was God holding me in that aisle. That's when I knew why I was wearing the outfit I had picked out that morning (which was completely opposite of what I had in mind for Easter Sunday and would have been much more appropriate for a funeral in October.), and that's when I knew that I had also received an answer to prayer.
I have been praying for God's will to be done in my life and for Him to use me. I have also been praying for Him to make me willing when the opportunity comes. He needed to use me to answer her prayer, and for that, I am truly humbled and honored. That I was able to set aside my own agenda long enough to receive the blessing that I had asked for, I am truly grateful.
I was so excited when I got home, I called her right away. I left her a voice mail and have not heard from her. And, I may not, but that's OK. Because, I think about her every day and hope that she finds comfort in knowing that there is someone in town she can now call her friend.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Neon Sign
Sometimes when I am going through a hard time or spinning on the latest dramatic event in my life, I forget to appreciate the little things. Or, even worse, I think I did something, but since my mind is racing 90 miles an hour about everything unrelated, it never actually got done. I have actually envisioned myself writing a check to the school for my daughter's lunch then got offended when her balance dropped into the negative, only to discover I never actually wrote the check.
Last Monday was my birthday, and a few days later, I actually remembered to check the mail. In the mail box, in her perfect script, was a card from my sister, Lisa. In my haste to get dinner on the table and start my evening routine, I glanced over the card, smiled, and tossed it to the side while making a mental note to call her and thank her. About 5 days later, I was cleaning and came across the card again. My inner voice said, "Read it again and keep this card." I got nudged from all sides that there was something special about that card, but I was again going mach 10 with my hair on fire and dismissed that notion. I moved that card several different times and finally decided I should just throw it away. "Keep the card, Tami." In my head, I thought I had put it on top of the microwave or on the refrigerator. In reality, I threw it away.
Today, I received an email from her saying, "Did you like the card?" I responded and said I did, (though I couldn't remember what it said) and that I tried to call her. But, one quick flip through my phone determined I only thought I did. Then she shared the meaning behind the card.
My brother-in-law, Lisle, lost his sister, Laurie a while back, and he had actually bought that card to give to his sister for her birthday. He never got to give it to her, because she died before her birthday rolled around. Lisa said that he has been having a hard time letting go of anything pertaining to his sister, but this year, before my birthday, he came out of the room with the card in his hand and said, "I want to send this card to Tami. It's a beautiful card, and a sister we love needs to have it."
When I read that email, I was so touched and so disappointed in myself for not heeding those nudges to keep and treasure that card. I knew in my heart there was something special about it, but I disregarded those feelings and focused instead on all of the chaos going on in my own head. I was certain I had thrown the card away, and today was trash day. And I never even thoroughly read it.
As I drove down my street, I stared at the empty garbage can in my driveway, and my heart sank. I raced upstairs to find a freshly-emptied trash can in the kitchen. I went downstairs and walked by another example of what I thought I had done this morning but had merely done it in my head... there was a bag of trash sitting by the laundry room. It was the "catch all" bag I'd been using to empty little cans everywhere around the house and purge other stuff that had passed the point of use-fullness to me. I took a chance, and at the bottom of the bag was Lisle's card to me. (And Laurie)
I cannot express the relief and gratitude I had when I held that card in my hand. And, I was moved to tears when I read it. I was honored and humbled.
I am so grateful for the following lessons. Lesson #1- God nudges me and tries to get me to see and appreciate the little things. Lesson #2- Being locked up in my own mind continues to rob me of good things happening all around me. Lesson #3- Thinking about doing things and actually doing them are two very different things. Lesson #4- Sometimes the smallest of gestures have the greatest depth and should never be taken for granted. Lesson #5- SLOW DOWN and be grateful; next time, I might actually lose something to be treasured.
Last Monday was my birthday, and a few days later, I actually remembered to check the mail. In the mail box, in her perfect script, was a card from my sister, Lisa. In my haste to get dinner on the table and start my evening routine, I glanced over the card, smiled, and tossed it to the side while making a mental note to call her and thank her. About 5 days later, I was cleaning and came across the card again. My inner voice said, "Read it again and keep this card." I got nudged from all sides that there was something special about that card, but I was again going mach 10 with my hair on fire and dismissed that notion. I moved that card several different times and finally decided I should just throw it away. "Keep the card, Tami." In my head, I thought I had put it on top of the microwave or on the refrigerator. In reality, I threw it away.
Today, I received an email from her saying, "Did you like the card?" I responded and said I did, (though I couldn't remember what it said) and that I tried to call her. But, one quick flip through my phone determined I only thought I did. Then she shared the meaning behind the card.
My brother-in-law, Lisle, lost his sister, Laurie a while back, and he had actually bought that card to give to his sister for her birthday. He never got to give it to her, because she died before her birthday rolled around. Lisa said that he has been having a hard time letting go of anything pertaining to his sister, but this year, before my birthday, he came out of the room with the card in his hand and said, "I want to send this card to Tami. It's a beautiful card, and a sister we love needs to have it."
When I read that email, I was so touched and so disappointed in myself for not heeding those nudges to keep and treasure that card. I knew in my heart there was something special about it, but I disregarded those feelings and focused instead on all of the chaos going on in my own head. I was certain I had thrown the card away, and today was trash day. And I never even thoroughly read it.
As I drove down my street, I stared at the empty garbage can in my driveway, and my heart sank. I raced upstairs to find a freshly-emptied trash can in the kitchen. I went downstairs and walked by another example of what I thought I had done this morning but had merely done it in my head... there was a bag of trash sitting by the laundry room. It was the "catch all" bag I'd been using to empty little cans everywhere around the house and purge other stuff that had passed the point of use-fullness to me. I took a chance, and at the bottom of the bag was Lisle's card to me. (And Laurie)
I cannot express the relief and gratitude I had when I held that card in my hand. And, I was moved to tears when I read it. I was honored and humbled.
I am so grateful for the following lessons. Lesson #1- God nudges me and tries to get me to see and appreciate the little things. Lesson #2- Being locked up in my own mind continues to rob me of good things happening all around me. Lesson #3- Thinking about doing things and actually doing them are two very different things. Lesson #4- Sometimes the smallest of gestures have the greatest depth and should never be taken for granted. Lesson #5- SLOW DOWN and be grateful; next time, I might actually lose something to be treasured.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Finding the Courage
As my tag line says at the top of this blog, these updates are my shared experiences with my weight loss journey and self-improvement/discovery. I am half a pound away from my goal weight, and I hate to break this to you, but I'm not anywhere NEAR done blogging. So, you might start seeing some shifts away from weight loss in my updates, but I hope you will still enjoy what I have to say.
I made up my mind a few years ago I was going to learn to play the guitar. I've always loved the way an acoustic sounds, and with my passion for music and singing, it was time for me to try it out. The first time I picked up my guitar, it hurt my fingers so much, I put it down and didn't approach it for a year. "I can't do this." Then, a year later, I picked it up again. And guess what...it still hurt. But I loved the sound she created, and I kept at it. Since we were spending so much time together, I felt she needed a name- something worthy of her. She has such a beautiful, smooth sound, and so I named her Pearl. That was two years ago.
My main goal at the time was to be able to play my guitar in church as I sang with the praise and worship team. But my playing ability is sporadic at best, so I felt it would be years before I would ever feel comfortable playing in front of anyone. As "luck" would have it, two years later, at an entirely different church (with a MUCH larger congregation, mind you...), my boyfriend signed us up to do special music. And we were going to play our guitars and sing. The minute he told me that, my heart started racing and doubt crept into my mind. "I can't do this; I'm not ready; what if I mess up? What if I look stupid? What if I mess HIM up?" On and on and on. I've been wigging out over this for a week. Practicing, singing, learning the words, learning the chords, and of course, he had to pick the fastest hymn ever written, so, often as I was practicing, I'd lose my darn PICK or my fingernail would get hung on a string. And it was right back in my face..."I'm not ready, I can't do this." I considered bailing on the whole playing thing and just singing as he played. But, enter in that stubborn Carter gene, and I dug in my heels. I wouldn't let my fear get the best of me. So I prayed and prayed for God to give me the courage to follow through. I told Jesus this morning I wanted to sing and play a beautiful song for Him and for my grandmother in Heaven. Now, I just needed the courage.
As I approached the microphone this morning with my guitar strapped across me and my pick in my hand, I felt like I was literally going to shake apart one limb at a time. My hands were trembling so violently, I put two extra picks on the music stand in front of me in case I dropped one. I looked at Joey, and before I knew it, we were off and running. My hands were shaking so badly, I couldn't form the chords properly, but thankfully, his guitar was in front of the mic, so I was pseudo-masked...until his guitar pick broke and I was the only one playing for a few seconds. There was no hiding the "plink plink plink", but instead of getting freaked out, I just smiled. Because I was doing it! I was playing my guitar in church as we sang! I was ticking something off my bucket list! At the end of the song, I had completely lost my place with what chords I was supposed to be playing and just threw my hands up and laughed as the song ended.
So many people came up to us today and raved about how well we did and how eager they are to hear us sing and play again. And here's the miraculous part of it. I can't wait to do it again! Regardless that it took nearly ten minutes for my hands to quit shaking AFTER we played, I am still looking forward to doing it again. It would be so easy for me to sit here and tell you all the places I messed up, but instead, I find myself beaming with pride that I actually did it. And this is a major milestone for me. Being able to look at something I've done with pride without ripping it apart and finding all the ways I wasn't perfect in my performance...that is huge growth for me.
As I said earlier, I thought it would be years before I felt comfortable playing in front of anyone. And, that may be TRUE! I may not be comfortable doing it for a long time, but I intend to do it anyway. I have found that when I push myself outside of my comfort zone, amazing things happen. And today was just another example of that.
I made up my mind a few years ago I was going to learn to play the guitar. I've always loved the way an acoustic sounds, and with my passion for music and singing, it was time for me to try it out. The first time I picked up my guitar, it hurt my fingers so much, I put it down and didn't approach it for a year. "I can't do this." Then, a year later, I picked it up again. And guess what...it still hurt. But I loved the sound she created, and I kept at it. Since we were spending so much time together, I felt she needed a name- something worthy of her. She has such a beautiful, smooth sound, and so I named her Pearl. That was two years ago.
My main goal at the time was to be able to play my guitar in church as I sang with the praise and worship team. But my playing ability is sporadic at best, so I felt it would be years before I would ever feel comfortable playing in front of anyone. As "luck" would have it, two years later, at an entirely different church (with a MUCH larger congregation, mind you...), my boyfriend signed us up to do special music. And we were going to play our guitars and sing. The minute he told me that, my heart started racing and doubt crept into my mind. "I can't do this; I'm not ready; what if I mess up? What if I look stupid? What if I mess HIM up?" On and on and on. I've been wigging out over this for a week. Practicing, singing, learning the words, learning the chords, and of course, he had to pick the fastest hymn ever written, so, often as I was practicing, I'd lose my darn PICK or my fingernail would get hung on a string. And it was right back in my face..."I'm not ready, I can't do this." I considered bailing on the whole playing thing and just singing as he played. But, enter in that stubborn Carter gene, and I dug in my heels. I wouldn't let my fear get the best of me. So I prayed and prayed for God to give me the courage to follow through. I told Jesus this morning I wanted to sing and play a beautiful song for Him and for my grandmother in Heaven. Now, I just needed the courage.
As I approached the microphone this morning with my guitar strapped across me and my pick in my hand, I felt like I was literally going to shake apart one limb at a time. My hands were trembling so violently, I put two extra picks on the music stand in front of me in case I dropped one. I looked at Joey, and before I knew it, we were off and running. My hands were shaking so badly, I couldn't form the chords properly, but thankfully, his guitar was in front of the mic, so I was pseudo-masked...until his guitar pick broke and I was the only one playing for a few seconds. There was no hiding the "plink plink plink", but instead of getting freaked out, I just smiled. Because I was doing it! I was playing my guitar in church as we sang! I was ticking something off my bucket list! At the end of the song, I had completely lost my place with what chords I was supposed to be playing and just threw my hands up and laughed as the song ended.
So many people came up to us today and raved about how well we did and how eager they are to hear us sing and play again. And here's the miraculous part of it. I can't wait to do it again! Regardless that it took nearly ten minutes for my hands to quit shaking AFTER we played, I am still looking forward to doing it again. It would be so easy for me to sit here and tell you all the places I messed up, but instead, I find myself beaming with pride that I actually did it. And this is a major milestone for me. Being able to look at something I've done with pride without ripping it apart and finding all the ways I wasn't perfect in my performance...that is huge growth for me.
As I said earlier, I thought it would be years before I felt comfortable playing in front of anyone. And, that may be TRUE! I may not be comfortable doing it for a long time, but I intend to do it anyway. I have found that when I push myself outside of my comfort zone, amazing things happen. And today was just another example of that.
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Boat
You've heard me talk about roads, oysters, the mat, my bridge, the x factor, and the foxhole, so it should come as no surprise that I have yet another use of imagery to describe my life and where I'm at right now. Tonight, it's the boat.
In the last three years, I have been through quite a bit that has left me feeling off-center and unsure of who I am and what I want/need out of life. The sea of life has been very tumultuous and unforgiving in the ferocity of the waves as the crash down on me relentlessly. I have experienced the occasional calming of the storm only to see in the distance another swell heading my way, and I have given myself no time to repair my vessel or even prepare before the next hurricane spins me around.
In the midst of my last hurricane, I found myself focusing so much on the storm that I failed to look at how it was effecting me and my boat. I had left it unmanned, basically, and was being tossed around aimlessly while waiting for the storm to either subside or swallow me whole. I became frightened of dark clouds, wondering what the next clap of thunder was going to bring. A tiny ripple in the water left me quaking with uncertainty.
Then, a little over two years ago, I saw my sunbeam. And I headed that direction. Even though I still felt the instability beneath my feet, I made my way to the helm. The storms were still fierce, but I had that vision of light to guide me. I learned how to weather the storm with trust and faith that I was going to be OK. I learned how to be courageous when I was scared, and I found the gear I needed to protect myself.
And now, I need to examine my boat. I need to see if the damages are superficial or if there are some major repairs in order. So, I've got my toolbox and my owner's manual, and even though I don't know the first thing about boat repair, I know that I have the confidence in myself, the determination, and desire to stay afloat. And, I can still see my sunbeam.
In the last three years, I have been through quite a bit that has left me feeling off-center and unsure of who I am and what I want/need out of life. The sea of life has been very tumultuous and unforgiving in the ferocity of the waves as the crash down on me relentlessly. I have experienced the occasional calming of the storm only to see in the distance another swell heading my way, and I have given myself no time to repair my vessel or even prepare before the next hurricane spins me around.
In the midst of my last hurricane, I found myself focusing so much on the storm that I failed to look at how it was effecting me and my boat. I had left it unmanned, basically, and was being tossed around aimlessly while waiting for the storm to either subside or swallow me whole. I became frightened of dark clouds, wondering what the next clap of thunder was going to bring. A tiny ripple in the water left me quaking with uncertainty.
Then, a little over two years ago, I saw my sunbeam. And I headed that direction. Even though I still felt the instability beneath my feet, I made my way to the helm. The storms were still fierce, but I had that vision of light to guide me. I learned how to weather the storm with trust and faith that I was going to be OK. I learned how to be courageous when I was scared, and I found the gear I needed to protect myself.
And now, I need to examine my boat. I need to see if the damages are superficial or if there are some major repairs in order. So, I've got my toolbox and my owner's manual, and even though I don't know the first thing about boat repair, I know that I have the confidence in myself, the determination, and desire to stay afloat. And, I can still see my sunbeam.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Oyster
I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine a few days ago regarding my blog, my journey, and this person's battle with her weight. I remember feeling exactly as she does, now, and my heart went out to her. When I started this journey, I set a goal to lose 61 pounds, and my head started spinning with how impossible that number sounded. Sixty-one pounds?? That's more than my 6 year-old weighs! A whole other human! I remember thinking, then, that I'll never be able to do it. I'll never lose that much weight, but I would give it my best and consider it a job well done if I lose 20 pounds and call it a day. Yeah, it was like that.
I almost psyched myself out of the game when I looked at the path before me. My opponents were huge- fear, change, hard work, "deprivation", time constraints, and the biggest of all, that number. 61, 61, 61...and actually, according to the medical profession, the number SHOULD have been 100 pounds. I needed to lose 100 pounds to fit into the normal weight category for my height. I cried. Multiple times, actually. I am grateful that I was able to recognize that just because that was were I was, then, didn't mean I had to be or feel like that for the rest of my life. I gained weight; so what, big deal. The big question was, what was I going to do about it?
I needed to give myself a smaller goal- something that was attainable. So, I broke it down into 10 pound increments. When people got wind of my weight loss journey, they'd ask me, "How much are you trying to lose?" I'd say, "Ten pounds." The stunned look on their faces was actually quite comical, because it was obvious by looking at me that I needed to lose more than that, but that's all I could manage at the time. That's all I could face. I couldn't look down that long path and see the finish line. But, I could see the 10 pound corner. So that's where I headed. After I lost the first ten pounds, I set my goal to lose another 10, then another 10...then my goal was to bust out of the 200's and into the 190's. Then into the 180's...and so on.
I apologize profusely if I've made my journey look or sound easy. What people may not realize is that it has taken me 2 years to do it. What I FAILED to realize is that I have been on this journey for 2 years. I dropped about 30 pounds in six months, took a six month break from the gym, gained eleven pounds over the holidays that year, started up again in January 2010, lost another 26 pounds, took another six month hiatus, gained a few pounds, and now I'm staring down the last four pounds before I reach my initial goal weight.
I really didn't expect to have the outpouring of folks who contacted me to share their struggles with me and express how much my telling my story has helped them. I am truly humbled and honored. So when I started my journey again in 2010, I created this blog to try to answer everyone's questions about how I'm doing it. What started out as a shedding of a few pounds, though, quickly turned into a mission of self-discovery/recovery. What made me overeat? What was going on beneath the surface that was manifesting itself in weight gain and/or preventing me from losing weight?
I liken myself to an oyster. When a grain of sand makes its way into my shell, it has been my habit to spit it as far as I can (as quickly as I can) to prevent irritation in the here and now. That's just how I'm programmed. What I found myself doing more often than not is bailing on whatever is making me uncomfortable and going back to what I know because, even if it wasn't serving me well, it was less frightening than pushing through the discomfort in hopes of finding my rainbow. But, I realized that in the past, I have robbed myself of opportunities to learn or grow when I do that.
So I began to look at what makes me feel uncomfortable as a grain of sand in my shell. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, standing at the starting line of what appears to be an impossible road-- instead of spewing these things from my shell, I allow myself to sit on them and work through the discomfort one day at a time. This gives me time to find clarity, pray, and confront what triggers are propelling me into a reactive state (giving up) instead of proactive (pushing through).
What would happen if you were able to stop beating yourself up for a series of decisions that brought you to where you are now and accepted that THIS is the starting line? Because each day is just that, my friends. Looking back over days gone by and saying, "shoulda, coulda, woulda, or how-did-I" won't move you toward your goal. Yes, it's important to recognize where you went wrong so you don't make the same mistakes again, but ruminating on those past failures and holding that as an absolute will only hold you hostage. You have the power every morning when you wake up to begin again. To me, that's why God made sunrises so beautiful; each morning begins with opportunity.
As for me and the grain of sand? We're still cohabitants. And, I have the trust and faith that when all is said and done, there will be a beautiful pearl to admire and remind me that good things can happen when I allow them to.
I almost psyched myself out of the game when I looked at the path before me. My opponents were huge- fear, change, hard work, "deprivation", time constraints, and the biggest of all, that number. 61, 61, 61...and actually, according to the medical profession, the number SHOULD have been 100 pounds. I needed to lose 100 pounds to fit into the normal weight category for my height. I cried. Multiple times, actually. I am grateful that I was able to recognize that just because that was were I was, then, didn't mean I had to be or feel like that for the rest of my life. I gained weight; so what, big deal. The big question was, what was I going to do about it?
I needed to give myself a smaller goal- something that was attainable. So, I broke it down into 10 pound increments. When people got wind of my weight loss journey, they'd ask me, "How much are you trying to lose?" I'd say, "Ten pounds." The stunned look on their faces was actually quite comical, because it was obvious by looking at me that I needed to lose more than that, but that's all I could manage at the time. That's all I could face. I couldn't look down that long path and see the finish line. But, I could see the 10 pound corner. So that's where I headed. After I lost the first ten pounds, I set my goal to lose another 10, then another 10...then my goal was to bust out of the 200's and into the 190's. Then into the 180's...and so on.
I apologize profusely if I've made my journey look or sound easy. What people may not realize is that it has taken me 2 years to do it. What I FAILED to realize is that I have been on this journey for 2 years. I dropped about 30 pounds in six months, took a six month break from the gym, gained eleven pounds over the holidays that year, started up again in January 2010, lost another 26 pounds, took another six month hiatus, gained a few pounds, and now I'm staring down the last four pounds before I reach my initial goal weight.
I really didn't expect to have the outpouring of folks who contacted me to share their struggles with me and express how much my telling my story has helped them. I am truly humbled and honored. So when I started my journey again in 2010, I created this blog to try to answer everyone's questions about how I'm doing it. What started out as a shedding of a few pounds, though, quickly turned into a mission of self-discovery/recovery. What made me overeat? What was going on beneath the surface that was manifesting itself in weight gain and/or preventing me from losing weight?
I liken myself to an oyster. When a grain of sand makes its way into my shell, it has been my habit to spit it as far as I can (as quickly as I can) to prevent irritation in the here and now. That's just how I'm programmed. What I found myself doing more often than not is bailing on whatever is making me uncomfortable and going back to what I know because, even if it wasn't serving me well, it was less frightening than pushing through the discomfort in hopes of finding my rainbow. But, I realized that in the past, I have robbed myself of opportunities to learn or grow when I do that.
So I began to look at what makes me feel uncomfortable as a grain of sand in my shell. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, standing at the starting line of what appears to be an impossible road-- instead of spewing these things from my shell, I allow myself to sit on them and work through the discomfort one day at a time. This gives me time to find clarity, pray, and confront what triggers are propelling me into a reactive state (giving up) instead of proactive (pushing through).
What would happen if you were able to stop beating yourself up for a series of decisions that brought you to where you are now and accepted that THIS is the starting line? Because each day is just that, my friends. Looking back over days gone by and saying, "shoulda, coulda, woulda, or how-did-I" won't move you toward your goal. Yes, it's important to recognize where you went wrong so you don't make the same mistakes again, but ruminating on those past failures and holding that as an absolute will only hold you hostage. You have the power every morning when you wake up to begin again. To me, that's why God made sunrises so beautiful; each morning begins with opportunity.
As for me and the grain of sand? We're still cohabitants. And, I have the trust and faith that when all is said and done, there will be a beautiful pearl to admire and remind me that good things can happen when I allow them to.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Random Thoughts
I am not, by nature, a patient person. I am the instant-gratification QUEEN; I want what I want when I want it. So, when I started this journey, I had to prepare myself for a whole mindset, which meant recognizing that I didn't gain 100 pounds over night (though it SURE felt like it!!), and I wasn't going to lose 61 over night. It meant setting goals and a schedule, which I hate to do, since I am spontaneous and fly by the seat of my current mood swing. (I could be the poster child for Aries.)
The last thing I needed, though I didn't know it at the time, was accountability with a workout partner. I needed that person to count on, to hold my feet to the fire, and go through this with me. I needed someone with whom I could be totally honest and feel open to share how I was feeling all the while knowing she could relate to my struggles and victories. So at this point in the blog, I'd like to give a huge shout out to my girl, Casey, because she has sweated beside me and cut calories with me every step of the way. I love you, honey, and I am forever grateful, because I don't know if I could have this type of success on my own.
And, we're still at it! We're going to the gym four nights a week for 60-90 minutes a night (depending on the night.) We sit down with our planners and schedule out ten days at a time when we're going to the gym. It's tough! We both have families, obligations, dinner times, work schedules, functions, a whole gambit of time constraints to consider, and I'm really proud of us for making this a priority when it would be so easy to give up. Tonight, I burned about 480 calories by running on the treadmill, doing 15 minutes of free-weight cardio, and 4.5 miles on the bike. I weigh in tomorrow and hope that I will drop out of the 180's and into the 170's for the first time in about 13 years.
If there's one thing I have learned in this journey, it's that slow and steady really does win the race. I wanted to lose weight in a healthy way without fad diets, pills, surgery, hypnosis...insert latest craze here. I wanted to prove to myself I could count on me, that I was important to myself. I'm staring down the last 5 pounds before I reach my goal weight. I had gained 1.5 pounds during my workout hiatus, and it took me two weeks just to get those 1.5 pounds off. In the days of "The Biggest Loser", that sounds minimal, I know. And, I admit that it's tougher to do, now. I'm pretty happy with myself the way I am for the first time in I don't know HOW long. But I'm only FIVE POUNDS away from my goal weight! I can't stop, now. I can't bear to rob myself of the joy of crossing the finish line and FINALLY finishing something I started.
For those of you reading this and struggling with staying motivated in weight loss, I know this struggle well. I have spent most of my adult life being uncomfortable in my body and unable to get my mind to cooperate. You can do this. Find that reason to commit to yourself and promise to yourself that this time is THE time. Whatever your reasons are for wanting do lose weight, embrace that. I can promise you two things: it will be tough, and it will be worth it.
The last thing I needed, though I didn't know it at the time, was accountability with a workout partner. I needed that person to count on, to hold my feet to the fire, and go through this with me. I needed someone with whom I could be totally honest and feel open to share how I was feeling all the while knowing she could relate to my struggles and victories. So at this point in the blog, I'd like to give a huge shout out to my girl, Casey, because she has sweated beside me and cut calories with me every step of the way. I love you, honey, and I am forever grateful, because I don't know if I could have this type of success on my own.
And, we're still at it! We're going to the gym four nights a week for 60-90 minutes a night (depending on the night.) We sit down with our planners and schedule out ten days at a time when we're going to the gym. It's tough! We both have families, obligations, dinner times, work schedules, functions, a whole gambit of time constraints to consider, and I'm really proud of us for making this a priority when it would be so easy to give up. Tonight, I burned about 480 calories by running on the treadmill, doing 15 minutes of free-weight cardio, and 4.5 miles on the bike. I weigh in tomorrow and hope that I will drop out of the 180's and into the 170's for the first time in about 13 years.
If there's one thing I have learned in this journey, it's that slow and steady really does win the race. I wanted to lose weight in a healthy way without fad diets, pills, surgery, hypnosis...insert latest craze here. I wanted to prove to myself I could count on me, that I was important to myself. I'm staring down the last 5 pounds before I reach my goal weight. I had gained 1.5 pounds during my workout hiatus, and it took me two weeks just to get those 1.5 pounds off. In the days of "The Biggest Loser", that sounds minimal, I know. And, I admit that it's tougher to do, now. I'm pretty happy with myself the way I am for the first time in I don't know HOW long. But I'm only FIVE POUNDS away from my goal weight! I can't stop, now. I can't bear to rob myself of the joy of crossing the finish line and FINALLY finishing something I started.
For those of you reading this and struggling with staying motivated in weight loss, I know this struggle well. I have spent most of my adult life being uncomfortable in my body and unable to get my mind to cooperate. You can do this. Find that reason to commit to yourself and promise to yourself that this time is THE time. Whatever your reasons are for wanting do lose weight, embrace that. I can promise you two things: it will be tough, and it will be worth it.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Foxhole
I was a squad leader in Basic Training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina in the summer of 1995. It was a hot, miserable summer- too hot to be running around in the woods fully clothed carrying an M-16, but alas, that's where I was. My squad had been assigned a portion of the perimeter, and each soldier had to ready their position with appropriate cover, which also had to meet the impossibly-high standards of the drill sergeants. Private Ballard stepped up to the plate and volunteered to dig the foxhole for our squad. (The exact dimensions it needed to be escape me, now, but it had to be several feet deep and wide.) I made my rounds checking on everyone and ended with Ballard. He was having a little trouble, but no worries, Carter, it would be done. Big smile.
A little bit later, I went back to check on him. The dirt had turned to a mix of sand a few feet down, and the more he dug, the more the walls started to crumble. We had time to relocate the foxhole, but he felt he could make it work right were it was.
Mid-afternoon, a huge lightning storm rolled in, which resulted in us having to tri-pod our weapons, leave the forest, balance ourselves on our toes while crouching down in the middle of the road. When I called the squad up to the road, Ballard came stomping through yelling, "I'm through! I'm through! I ain't doing it no more! I'm through." His foxhole had caved, yet, again. Only now, it was filling with more than sand and dirt- it was filling with rain water. And what did I do, as the ever-supportive squad leader? Yep...I laughed my ass off.
See, I admired Ballard for his willingness to step up and take on the hardest job for the squad. I appreciated his determination to see it through even when every strike of the shovel sent another load barreling down the wall. Lastly, I enjoyed his humor-filled tantrum which resulted in both of us nearly collapsing with laughter at his frustration and making a miserable day tolerable for a few minutes.
With all of the changes going on in my daily routine, it's not surprising to me that this memory keeps resurfacing. Weight loss can be a lot like that foxhole. One shovel in the right direction can cause an avalanche in three different ones.
A little bit later, I went back to check on him. The dirt had turned to a mix of sand a few feet down, and the more he dug, the more the walls started to crumble. We had time to relocate the foxhole, but he felt he could make it work right were it was.
Mid-afternoon, a huge lightning storm rolled in, which resulted in us having to tri-pod our weapons, leave the forest, balance ourselves on our toes while crouching down in the middle of the road. When I called the squad up to the road, Ballard came stomping through yelling, "I'm through! I'm through! I ain't doing it no more! I'm through." His foxhole had caved, yet, again. Only now, it was filling with more than sand and dirt- it was filling with rain water. And what did I do, as the ever-supportive squad leader? Yep...I laughed my ass off.
See, I admired Ballard for his willingness to step up and take on the hardest job for the squad. I appreciated his determination to see it through even when every strike of the shovel sent another load barreling down the wall. Lastly, I enjoyed his humor-filled tantrum which resulted in both of us nearly collapsing with laughter at his frustration and making a miserable day tolerable for a few minutes.
With all of the changes going on in my daily routine, it's not surprising to me that this memory keeps resurfacing. Weight loss can be a lot like that foxhole. One shovel in the right direction can cause an avalanche in three different ones.
- Taking time for myself at the gym leaves less time for my household duties or takes time away from my family, and that makes me feel guilty. No one has complained, mind you, and the kids like to go with me, but I still have that twinge of guilt. And, the vacuum and laundry don't seem to mind, either.
- One week of good eating choices followed by a weekend of fast-food and/or movie popcorn... boom....avalanche.(Keep in mind that many fast-food meals can have an entire daily caloric intake in one meal.)
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Different Roads
Last night on the way home from a friend's house, I hit a few pot-holes in the road and noticed some vibration in my car afterward. I started to freak out a little- let my mind get the best of me; "What's torn up, now? I just put new tires on the front of my car. How much is it going to cost? Why can't I catch a break?" And, the more I obsessed over it, the "worse" it seemed to get. I was just about to stop my car and inspect all of the tires when I changed roads. All at once, the vibration stopped, and the car was fine. See, there wasn't anything wrong with my car; the road I was on was merely a bumpy road.
I love it when I see parallels in life to life. Occasionally, life may throw down a big bump in the road that wakes us up and might make us question the path we're traveling. We might focus on how hard it is, become intimidated that the changes are overwhelming and sometimes even pull off on the side of the road to see what the hell is wrong with us that makes this road seem so rough! But, sometimes, it's just a tough strip of land we're traveling through. That's weight loss. That's how life changes work. That's how we learn and grow. And there is always hope for a smoother road ahead.
I know this is hard. Believe me, I do. But, think of your weight loss as you would a retirement plan. You may not be able to fund the entire plan in one day, but you can make a small contribution to make yourself more comfortable in the future. What small contribution can you make, today, to further yourself in your weight loss/life?
I weighed myself on Tuesday and was pleasantly surprised that I was back down to 181.5 pounds. (Last week was a cruel joke, Mother Nature!) Thursday night, I had a great workout. We walked 1.2 miles to warm up, stretched, did 20 minutes of free-weight cardio, and 5.25 miles on the bike (in 20 minutes). I was at the gym all-total a little over an hour and burned a little less than 600 calories. This week, I have done a great job at drinking more water daily, and I've made smarter food choices. Today, I plan to hit the gym, drink 5 bottles of water, and do a little journaling. And, Tuesday, if the scale doesn't reward me for a job well-done, I know I can continue to tweak my eating plan, work out a little more, and be proud that I am working harder to take good care of myself.
Lord, may I never focus so hard on my destination that I fail to enjoy the rewards, excitement, and learning opportunities of each day on this journey. Amen.
I love it when I see parallels in life to life. Occasionally, life may throw down a big bump in the road that wakes us up and might make us question the path we're traveling. We might focus on how hard it is, become intimidated that the changes are overwhelming and sometimes even pull off on the side of the road to see what the hell is wrong with us that makes this road seem so rough! But, sometimes, it's just a tough strip of land we're traveling through. That's weight loss. That's how life changes work. That's how we learn and grow. And there is always hope for a smoother road ahead.
I know this is hard. Believe me, I do. But, think of your weight loss as you would a retirement plan. You may not be able to fund the entire plan in one day, but you can make a small contribution to make yourself more comfortable in the future. What small contribution can you make, today, to further yourself in your weight loss/life?
I weighed myself on Tuesday and was pleasantly surprised that I was back down to 181.5 pounds. (Last week was a cruel joke, Mother Nature!) Thursday night, I had a great workout. We walked 1.2 miles to warm up, stretched, did 20 minutes of free-weight cardio, and 5.25 miles on the bike (in 20 minutes). I was at the gym all-total a little over an hour and burned a little less than 600 calories. This week, I have done a great job at drinking more water daily, and I've made smarter food choices. Today, I plan to hit the gym, drink 5 bottles of water, and do a little journaling. And, Tuesday, if the scale doesn't reward me for a job well-done, I know I can continue to tweak my eating plan, work out a little more, and be proud that I am working harder to take good care of myself.
Lord, may I never focus so hard on my destination that I fail to enjoy the rewards, excitement, and learning opportunities of each day on this journey. Amen.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The X Factor
I think for the first time in my life, I am unsure of what to say. I am experiencing some sort of writer's block, here, and quite frankly, it is very frustrating. I have had a few blog ideas come to me the last few days, and when I sit down to write, they're gone.
In my last blog update, I announced I was on day four (I think) of no sweets. I've lost track of the days, now, but I have not caved and partaken in the delicious goodness that seems to be lurking in every corner. And, oh, how I want it! I caught myself earlier in the evening trying to talk myself into having a cookie. I even went so far as to bribe myself; "It's a reward! You've done a good job. Go ahead." But, since I have come so far already, I just couldn't do it. And, I must admit, my faithful readers, you had a hand in that. I didn't want to let ya down. :)
I'm going to go off the beaten path tonight and write about something not weight-loss related. One of the questions I ask myself is, "If nothing in your life ever changed from this day, would you still be happy?" On any given day, this can be a comfort or the kick in the pants I need to reevaluate my priorities. Many things in life are purely circumstantial and won't last forever...fights, migraines, winter 'blues', painful break-ups, you know, the normal stuff that happens in life. But how many times have you said, "If X would happen, then I'd be happy."
What is your X factor? Is it within your control? If the statement is, "If I could lose twenty pounds, then I'd be happy," then yes, that is in your control. "If I could get a job doing ____, then I'd be happy." That is, yet, another thing, that can have action taken to attain. When I am looking at my X factors, I break them down into smaller bites to give myself a sense of accomplishment. Right now, one of my X factors is, "If I could just get back to my old routine, I'd be happy." That routine consisted of drinking 80 ounces of water a day, working out four days a week for an hour at a time, knowing an exact calorie count for intake and burn every day, and no sweets. I'm tackling the sweets already; I've increased my water intake, I'm monitoring my calories, but I'm getting hung up with the work-outs. There are many reasons (read excuses) for that. But all-in-all, it is my failure to prioritize that which is important only to me.
I stepped on the scale this week, and the number on the scale broke my heart. I have gained 4.5 pounds in the last two weeks. There may be extenuating circumstances to that beyond my control, (For all you women out there reading this, you'll probably know what I referring to.) but Tuesday's weigh-in will tell all. There will be no excuse, nothing to blame it on.
So, it's time to get serious. Casey and I were talking last night about scheduling workout times and actually putting it on the planner like we did last year until it becomes a given and part of our routine again. Hopefully we can make that happen. :)
In my last blog update, I announced I was on day four (I think) of no sweets. I've lost track of the days, now, but I have not caved and partaken in the delicious goodness that seems to be lurking in every corner. And, oh, how I want it! I caught myself earlier in the evening trying to talk myself into having a cookie. I even went so far as to bribe myself; "It's a reward! You've done a good job. Go ahead." But, since I have come so far already, I just couldn't do it. And, I must admit, my faithful readers, you had a hand in that. I didn't want to let ya down. :)
I'm going to go off the beaten path tonight and write about something not weight-loss related. One of the questions I ask myself is, "If nothing in your life ever changed from this day, would you still be happy?" On any given day, this can be a comfort or the kick in the pants I need to reevaluate my priorities. Many things in life are purely circumstantial and won't last forever...fights, migraines, winter 'blues', painful break-ups, you know, the normal stuff that happens in life. But how many times have you said, "If X would happen, then I'd be happy."
What is your X factor? Is it within your control? If the statement is, "If I could lose twenty pounds, then I'd be happy," then yes, that is in your control. "If I could get a job doing ____, then I'd be happy." That is, yet, another thing, that can have action taken to attain. When I am looking at my X factors, I break them down into smaller bites to give myself a sense of accomplishment. Right now, one of my X factors is, "If I could just get back to my old routine, I'd be happy." That routine consisted of drinking 80 ounces of water a day, working out four days a week for an hour at a time, knowing an exact calorie count for intake and burn every day, and no sweets. I'm tackling the sweets already; I've increased my water intake, I'm monitoring my calories, but I'm getting hung up with the work-outs. There are many reasons (read excuses) for that. But all-in-all, it is my failure to prioritize that which is important only to me.
I stepped on the scale this week, and the number on the scale broke my heart. I have gained 4.5 pounds in the last two weeks. There may be extenuating circumstances to that beyond my control, (For all you women out there reading this, you'll probably know what I referring to.) but Tuesday's weigh-in will tell all. There will be no excuse, nothing to blame it on.
So, it's time to get serious. Casey and I were talking last night about scheduling workout times and actually putting it on the planner like we did last year until it becomes a given and part of our routine again. Hopefully we can make that happen. :)
Friday, January 14, 2011
My House and My Key
Today is day two of no sweet foods. I've noticed I've had a headache off and on the last day or so, and while I'm not certain it's related to my "detox", I can imagine they're intertwined. It was another tough day, but it was easier today than it was yesterday. The cravings weren't as intense and didn't last as long. My family even had dessert this evening after dinner, and I did not partake. Granted, I was standing on the other end of the kitchen BEGGING them to stay away from me with those delectable little goodies, but hey, a little begging never hurt, and maybe I burned a few extra calories in my madness.
The quote above was delivered to me via Facebook at just the right time. I've felt, lately, that I'm standing at the threshold of a door to the unknown. But, I had it all wrong. I'm not walking into a house; I'm standing firmly in my own! To be standing on someone else's doorstep felt uncomfortable and uncertain. But, once I stopped and actually looked around, everything is familiar. Everything is mine. My joy, my peace, my determination, my willingness to change what I can about myself to improve my daily life. None of this is outside; it's in my "house". It's in me! And I, alone, hold the key. (While God steadies my hand.)
Cheating, not giving it my all, making excuses...that doesn't let down the scale. That doesn't let down my favorite exercise bike at the gym. That lets me down. And, before my journey began, I never felt like I mattered in the equation. "So what? It's just me." But, if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? Moreover, who would you be willing to trust?
I feel a new sense of empowerment. I'm already doing little things every day to get back on track as I stare down the next fifteen pounds to my new goal weight. On this journey, I have learned so much about myself and while it can, at times, be unsettling and scary, I've also learned a very valuable lesson. I'm human. I'm imperfect. (I know...that was a shock to me, too.) When I embraced my imperfection, though, I quit beating myself up for stumbles and scratched knees. But, the most important thing I have learned thus far is to keep going. Even when it seems like I'm making no progress or I'm not reaching my goals as quickly as I want, I keep going.
So, I challenge you. Look around your "house". Who has your keys? Have you simply misplaced them? Try to remember what motivated you in the first place to make improvements in your current lifestyle. Write them down. Now, think about what you want, but use the present tense. For example, instead of saying, "I want to lose weight", or, "I'm going to lose weight", write, "I am losing weight." "I am feeling better." "I am taking small steps today to improve my daily life." Wanting to and going to aren't doing. Give yourself that positive affirmation that yes, you are committed to this, but I also encourage you to remember that this process is action taken one day at a time. Making the decision to lose weight or change old habits is not a one-time deal. It is a daily commitment to yourself. And boy, are you worth it!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Moving in the Right Direction
As I sat down to write this entry, I was certain at least two days must have gone by since my last blog update. Alas, it has been one. In the last twenty-four hours, though, I have managed to resist temptation and have not had anything sweet to eat. And let me tell ya, there have been some BIG cravings...huge! Especially around three o'clock this afternoon. I felt the slow burn radiate in the pit of my stomach, vibrate through my body, and the word, CHOCOLATE, stamped itself straight across my line of vision. I felt the natural predator in me begin to mentally stalk its prey, traveling down familiar paths to where the known darlings were lying in wait. (I feel like I should be whispering in an Australian accent right now. LOL) My instincts told me to pounce, but luckily, I recognized the craving as simply a craving and not a life-or-death situation. Though, it SURE felt like it! :) So, I was a good girl and popped in a piece of gum, chugged some water, and reminded myself of my detox plan. Caving in now, no matter how small it is, will simply set me back. And, I can do this!
Last night, while my son was at wrestling practice, I went to the gym and did a quick 30-minute workout. I was frustrated at the small amount of time I had and started down the "well, that was hardly even worth it!" road. But, there's so much more going on right now than a calorie burn, and I had to remind myself of that. I did it! I went to the gym for the second time this week! I'm getting back into the habit, breaking old chains, forming new routines, and taking baby steps to get to where I want to be. Progress, not perfection, right? So, instead of getting twitchy about what I didn't do, I gave myself a pat on the back for even showing up at the gym on a cold, rushed evening. Here's what I did:
Warm up:
1 mile on the stationary bike (3 minutes and some change)
Stretches (No idea...forgot to time it. LOL)
Workout:
Free-weight cardio- I use 5 pound dumbbells, crank up the tunes, and do various upper body moves- 10 reps apiece, then go straight into the next set. I mix it up...basically just having fun and it really does get me sweating. I try to target every muscle group at least twice when I'm doing this and go for 20 minutes. Last night, I had to cut it in half. So 10 minutes.
3 miles on the bike- 12 minutes.
Cool down:
3 laps around the track (not even 1/2 a mile)- 5 minutes? Maybe?
Stretch
Since this was an abbreviated workout, everything was cut in half from what I had done previously. However, it's probably a good thing, since I'm no longer conditioned for an hour-long super-human-goddess-of-gym-equipment workouts. Knowing me, I probably would have hurt myself if I'd been left unattended much longer. LOL
So, today, I drank my water, made healthier choices, updated my blog, and survived yet another twelve hours of doing something that, at times, runs against the grain for me. I haven't reached my destination, but I'm proud of myself for moving in the right direction.
Last night, while my son was at wrestling practice, I went to the gym and did a quick 30-minute workout. I was frustrated at the small amount of time I had and started down the "well, that was hardly even worth it!" road. But, there's so much more going on right now than a calorie burn, and I had to remind myself of that. I did it! I went to the gym for the second time this week! I'm getting back into the habit, breaking old chains, forming new routines, and taking baby steps to get to where I want to be. Progress, not perfection, right? So, instead of getting twitchy about what I didn't do, I gave myself a pat on the back for even showing up at the gym on a cold, rushed evening. Here's what I did:
Warm up:
1 mile on the stationary bike (3 minutes and some change)
Stretches (No idea...forgot to time it. LOL)
Workout:
Free-weight cardio- I use 5 pound dumbbells, crank up the tunes, and do various upper body moves- 10 reps apiece, then go straight into the next set. I mix it up...basically just having fun and it really does get me sweating. I try to target every muscle group at least twice when I'm doing this and go for 20 minutes. Last night, I had to cut it in half. So 10 minutes.
3 miles on the bike- 12 minutes.
Cool down:
3 laps around the track (not even 1/2 a mile)- 5 minutes? Maybe?
Stretch
Since this was an abbreviated workout, everything was cut in half from what I had done previously. However, it's probably a good thing, since I'm no longer conditioned for an hour-long super-human-goddess-of-gym-equipment workouts. Knowing me, I probably would have hurt myself if I'd been left unattended much longer. LOL
So, today, I drank my water, made healthier choices, updated my blog, and survived yet another twelve hours of doing something that, at times, runs against the grain for me. I haven't reached my destination, but I'm proud of myself for moving in the right direction.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Visiting a Foreign Land
I heard an interesting talk show this morning on the way to work. The host was explaining his trip to a foreign country and the effect it had on him. He described his conversation with a young child, and something he said really struck me. He said, "We had to have a translator, of course, because this kid can't speak English." Can't speak English? You're in his country! He's speaking the language he knows! It's YOU that can't speak HIS language.
And then it struck me. I find myself getting irritated or self-righteous at times at alllll the tempting food, all of the opportunity for bad food choices, and I want to yell at them, "Why are you doing this to me? Can't you see this is already difficult?" But you see, I'm in their land! Just because I have the desire to change my eating habits and exercise more IN NO WAY prompts the rest of the world to adjust to my lifestyle. In this world of fast food, pre-packaged goodies, high-calorie DELICIOUS beverages, it takes a lot of discipline to keep on walking with a gracious "no, thank-you."
And let me just say, I don't always get it right. But, I keep trying. For example: (I'm laughing even as I'm typing this...) I work with all men in my department, and they've seen the transformation and how hard I've worked. They don't say much (typical males), but I know they're proud of me. I came to work Monday complaining about being sore from my workout Sunday. Later that afternoon, I had a sugar craving and bought a bag of chocolaty goodness. I will not tell you what it was, because I am not going to be responsible for triggering any cravings out there. LOL. Anyway, I was eating them at my desk, and one of the guys said, "Damn, girl, I thought you were trying to lose weight! Why are you eating those?!" Which of course triggered my already-existing guilt. So I whipped around and said, "Well thank you, Richard Simmons, for keeping an accurate calorie watch for me." He stared blankly at me for a few seconds and said, "Well, you're the one that wants to lose more weight, and you've done such a good job thus far. I don't want to see you go the other way after you've worked so hard."
I was not offended by David's comments to me, because I knew where his heart was. (And let's face it. Men + Communicating Feelings= Train Wreck 99% of the time...LOL) In fact, it brought me to another realization which I can sum up pretty quickly: Talk the talk, as you walk the walk. What a great reminder for me! And, it also made me feel really good that someone outside of my circle is silently cheering me on. :)
So here's what I've noticed about myself this week. I have pinned down two emotional triggers that prompt me to eat. Anger and loneliness. This isn't much of an awakening for me, since I pretty much knew that already, but I was ECSTATIC when I recognized I was on the verge of a binge and why. That's progress. I was able to stop and recognize that I wasn't hungry; I was trying to fulfill my needs with food.
I've also noticed that my sugar cravings are back. Around the same time every day, I get that "OMG...NEED SOMETHING SWEET NOW!!!" mission. In order for me to get rid of that, I will have to go about 4-7 days without anything sweet. Purge my body of it, basically, or "detox" as Casey and I call it. So that's my next mission at hand. I bought two packs of sugar-free gum a few nights ago, and I've got my water (which I chug when I'm craving something sweet.), so hopefully I can report back with good news. One of my favorite quotes is:
And then it struck me. I find myself getting irritated or self-righteous at times at alllll the tempting food, all of the opportunity for bad food choices, and I want to yell at them, "Why are you doing this to me? Can't you see this is already difficult?" But you see, I'm in their land! Just because I have the desire to change my eating habits and exercise more IN NO WAY prompts the rest of the world to adjust to my lifestyle. In this world of fast food, pre-packaged goodies, high-calorie DELICIOUS beverages, it takes a lot of discipline to keep on walking with a gracious "no, thank-you."
And let me just say, I don't always get it right. But, I keep trying. For example: (I'm laughing even as I'm typing this...) I work with all men in my department, and they've seen the transformation and how hard I've worked. They don't say much (typical males), but I know they're proud of me. I came to work Monday complaining about being sore from my workout Sunday. Later that afternoon, I had a sugar craving and bought a bag of chocolaty goodness. I will not tell you what it was, because I am not going to be responsible for triggering any cravings out there. LOL. Anyway, I was eating them at my desk, and one of the guys said, "Damn, girl, I thought you were trying to lose weight! Why are you eating those?!" Which of course triggered my already-existing guilt. So I whipped around and said, "Well thank you, Richard Simmons, for keeping an accurate calorie watch for me." He stared blankly at me for a few seconds and said, "Well, you're the one that wants to lose more weight, and you've done such a good job thus far. I don't want to see you go the other way after you've worked so hard."
I was not offended by David's comments to me, because I knew where his heart was. (And let's face it. Men + Communicating Feelings= Train Wreck 99% of the time...LOL) In fact, it brought me to another realization which I can sum up pretty quickly: Talk the talk, as you walk the walk. What a great reminder for me! And, it also made me feel really good that someone outside of my circle is silently cheering me on. :)
So here's what I've noticed about myself this week. I have pinned down two emotional triggers that prompt me to eat. Anger and loneliness. This isn't much of an awakening for me, since I pretty much knew that already, but I was ECSTATIC when I recognized I was on the verge of a binge and why. That's progress. I was able to stop and recognize that I wasn't hungry; I was trying to fulfill my needs with food.
I've also noticed that my sugar cravings are back. Around the same time every day, I get that "OMG...NEED SOMETHING SWEET NOW!!!" mission. In order for me to get rid of that, I will have to go about 4-7 days without anything sweet. Purge my body of it, basically, or "detox" as Casey and I call it. So that's my next mission at hand. I bought two packs of sugar-free gum a few nights ago, and I've got my water (which I chug when I'm craving something sweet.), so hopefully I can report back with good news. One of my favorite quotes is:
Just for today, I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle my whole life problem
at once. I can do something for twelve hours
that would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.
and not tackle my whole life problem
at once. I can do something for twelve hours
that would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.
When I apply this to my journey, I know that I can go 12 hours without a cookie. To think of never having another cookie in my life? BRING ON THE HYPERVENTILATION BAG! So, I'm not going into deprivation mode, here... not going to say "this is the last____". But, just for today? Yeah, I can do that.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
My Bridge
I've made some bad decisions in my life, more than I care to recall or recant. But, a few years ago, I found myself standing at a canyon, looking at the beautiful wonderland on the other side wide-eyed and hopeful. The only way to that side, though, was an unsteady rope bridge. I prayed, "God, can't you make this easier?" He asked me, "How bad do you want it, Tami?" Trust me when I say, I looked all OVER that side of the canyon for safe passage down so as to avoid that test. And, I found myself back at the bridge. So I took a step. My heart was pounding, my hands were sweaty, and everything in me said, "Get off this bridge! Go back to where it's safe!" And then, I looked up, and God was smiling at me. I looked down, and my feet were planted securely on a plank of gold. When it came time for me to take another step, same thing...heart was pounding, mind was racing...and while I was scared to do it again, I knew God was with me the last time, and I knew He'd be there again.
Today after church, I wanted to work out in the worst way. I needed to get my heart rate up, needed to sweat, needed to get off the mat and today was the day. All I could think of was, "Is it safe, now, to get back my membership? What if....What if...what if...." Then, I remembered my bridge. And all at once, it came to me. I don't HAVE to buy a monthly membership...I had enough cash in my wallet to pay for a one-day entrance! It was like a light came on in my head. I had been doing such black-and-white thinking, I hadn't even considered that as an option. Change-in-perspective MUCH?
That was all it took. I was dressed and out the door quick as a flash. When I hopped on that bike, I felt like I'd sat down for coffee with an old friend. I remembered why I had started my journey; I remembered how much enjoyment I had when I worked out; I remembered the sense of pride I had in myself. When I stood in front of the mirror by the free weights, I saw myself with new eyes. And, I smiled.
So, I left the gym with a renewed membership. I took another step on my bridge, and guess what...today? It felt REALLY good. Today, I was not fearful, and God and I had one helluva good workout. :)
Today after church, I wanted to work out in the worst way. I needed to get my heart rate up, needed to sweat, needed to get off the mat and today was the day. All I could think of was, "Is it safe, now, to get back my membership? What if....What if...what if...." Then, I remembered my bridge. And all at once, it came to me. I don't HAVE to buy a monthly membership...I had enough cash in my wallet to pay for a one-day entrance! It was like a light came on in my head. I had been doing such black-and-white thinking, I hadn't even considered that as an option. Change-in-perspective MUCH?
That was all it took. I was dressed and out the door quick as a flash. When I hopped on that bike, I felt like I'd sat down for coffee with an old friend. I remembered why I had started my journey; I remembered how much enjoyment I had when I worked out; I remembered the sense of pride I had in myself. When I stood in front of the mirror by the free weights, I saw myself with new eyes. And, I smiled.
So, I left the gym with a renewed membership. I took another step on my bridge, and guess what...today? It felt REALLY good. Today, I was not fearful, and God and I had one helluva good workout. :)
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