Folks, I don't know what's going on with me, but I am DRAINED. Every night when I get home, the only thing I want to do is take a nap. I don't have that luxury due to dinner prep, cleaning, homework, etc. Every now and then, I might take a cat-nap while the kids are playing, but I am having the hardest time pulling myself up by my boot-straps and get moving. I haven't been to the gym at all this week, and last weekend I ate like a fool while I was in KC visiting my sister. If I maintain my weight, it will be divine intervention, for sure.
Tonight, I cleaned for an hour and worked up a little bit of a sweat, so I'll give myself points for that, and I played guitar with the kiddos for a while. Yes, I'm grasping at straws, here, but I am proud of myself for not sitting still all night like I wanted to.
My slip-up in KC has left me craving sweets again, so that battle continues. It was too soon in my sugar-fast to introduce them back into my diet, and I knew that, but I took a chance anyway. Deep sigh.
But, that's where I am today! And tomorrow is a new day to begin again. I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew my journey wasn't over. I'll get there, and so will you. Let's just keep putting one foot in front of the other and pushing toward the goals at hand.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
When's It Gonna Be "The Right Time"?
I had the privilege of hearing a motivational speaker today who reminded me of how important it is to live for today- right now, in this moment. He spoke of his sons, who are now grown and gone, and reminisced about how he spent their childhood waiting for them to basically be grown and gone. And, now that they are, he wishes he could have just one more Friday night football game- just one more baseball practice.
For those of you, like me, who wait for just the right time to talk to that person, wait for inspiration, wait to get motivated, but continue to live life on life's terms, when is it going to be the right time? Will you wake up ten years from now and still be right where you are right now? Ten years ago, did you think you would be where you are today? Ten years ago, I was pregnant with my first child and scared to death at how my life was about to change. Ten years from now, I'm certain I will have that same fear when my daughter is in college and my son is driving.
It's nearly midnight on the eve of another school year beginning in my hometown. My children are excited about tomorrow and anxious to know what the day will bring. I am trying to follow their example and apply it to my own tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow because I am blessed to have a career I enjoy. I'm looking forward to weighing in tomorrow because I know I've done a good job this week. I'm looking forward to another opportunity to treat myself and others kindly.
What's holding you back? Is it fear? Lack of discipline? Let me ask you this: If you were guaranteed an opportunity for promotion at work, and all it was going to take was a few weeks of buckling down, would you do it? There's a reward at stake, so most of us would probably jump on that. So, if you're willing to work hard for others, will you work hard for yourself?
Here's a question I'd like to throw out to you: Is what you're doing right now getting you toward your goal? Weight loss isn't complicated, but it is hard. It's hard because it requires a well-formulated plan, consistency, and action. Do you have a plan? I know you have a "want", but do you have a plan?
Here's mine:
1. Drink water. 80+ ounces a day. 32 ounces before lunch, 32 ounces before 5:00, and 8 ounces at home.
2. Keep my caloric intake under 1400 calories per day.
3. Work out four nights a week for at least 45 minutes at a time.
4. During workouts, keep heartrate at 145-150.
5. No sweets.
I'm not always perfect in my execution, but I'm getting pretty good at making adjustments when I realize I've left something out. If I don't drink my 32 ounces before I leave work, I drink it at night. If I go over 1400 calories, I work out longer. Leave yourself room for error but not failure. I've said it before, and I say it again, now. Your past doesn't have to determine your present or future. The only failure when you've been kicked to the mat is staying down.
For those of you, like me, who wait for just the right time to talk to that person, wait for inspiration, wait to get motivated, but continue to live life on life's terms, when is it going to be the right time? Will you wake up ten years from now and still be right where you are right now? Ten years ago, did you think you would be where you are today? Ten years ago, I was pregnant with my first child and scared to death at how my life was about to change. Ten years from now, I'm certain I will have that same fear when my daughter is in college and my son is driving.
It's nearly midnight on the eve of another school year beginning in my hometown. My children are excited about tomorrow and anxious to know what the day will bring. I am trying to follow their example and apply it to my own tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow because I am blessed to have a career I enjoy. I'm looking forward to weighing in tomorrow because I know I've done a good job this week. I'm looking forward to another opportunity to treat myself and others kindly.
What's holding you back? Is it fear? Lack of discipline? Let me ask you this: If you were guaranteed an opportunity for promotion at work, and all it was going to take was a few weeks of buckling down, would you do it? There's a reward at stake, so most of us would probably jump on that. So, if you're willing to work hard for others, will you work hard for yourself?
Here's a question I'd like to throw out to you: Is what you're doing right now getting you toward your goal? Weight loss isn't complicated, but it is hard. It's hard because it requires a well-formulated plan, consistency, and action. Do you have a plan? I know you have a "want", but do you have a plan?
Here's mine:
1. Drink water. 80+ ounces a day. 32 ounces before lunch, 32 ounces before 5:00, and 8 ounces at home.
2. Keep my caloric intake under 1400 calories per day.
3. Work out four nights a week for at least 45 minutes at a time.
4. During workouts, keep heartrate at 145-150.
5. No sweets.
I'm not always perfect in my execution, but I'm getting pretty good at making adjustments when I realize I've left something out. If I don't drink my 32 ounces before I leave work, I drink it at night. If I go over 1400 calories, I work out longer. Leave yourself room for error but not failure. I've said it before, and I say it again, now. Your past doesn't have to determine your present or future. The only failure when you've been kicked to the mat is staying down.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Temptation, Temptation, Everywhere!
I am still on a high from my 4.5 pound weight loss in one week. Let me just throw a mild disclaimer in that I do not condone that much weight loss in one week, and truth-be-told, this is probably water-weight and my metabolism kicking into gear. I won't have that type of result again.
A healthy weight-loss goal is no more than 2-3 pounds per week. These diets you read about that promise a twenty-pound weight loss in 30 days? Get ready to yo-yo. They may work in the short-term, but for long-term results, my experience says to shoot for 2-3 pounds a week. Let me break it down for you how I did it for myself.
According to my BMR (Basic Metabolic Rate), I burn about 1600 calories just living every day. That is breathing, blinking, digesting food, tapping my foot...whatever. So, if I want to maintain the weight I am at right now, I need to eat exactly 1600 calories per day to break even. Since I want to lose weight, I am keeping my caloric intake at about 1400 calories. I'm already creating a 200 calorie deficit right there, and I haven't even hit the gym yet.
It hurts my head to do much more calculating after that. But keep in mind that just doing a little research and knowing a few numbers can make the difference in this journey. I'm still reminded of that darn candy bar... It took me 5.5 miles on the bike just to burn that bad boy off.
A friend of mine knows I am PMSing hard-core this week thanks to a rant on Facebook about my lack of chocolate and did the sweetest thing. She inter-officed me a bag of Peanut M&M's because she knows how much I love them. The gesture was wonderful! And, they are sitting in my desk drawer at work, unopened, as a reminder of the kind things friends do for each other. She didn't realize I am on a no-sweets fast, bless her heart. But, I'm stronger than that paper wrap. The instant gratification that snack would offer is not worth the derailment that would follow if I allow myself to eat it. And the guilt? Oh I would feel guilty.
And the resentment? "Why do I have to watch every damn thing I put in my mouth when so many other people can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound?" Because I'm me. And this is how I'm built. I can adapt and overcome, or I can make peace with my larger self and eat what I want. It is what it is. Some things are harder for others. This is my cross to bear. I may struggle with my weight for the rest of my life, and I am accepting that more and more. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but I liken it to someone with a food allergy. They can eat their allergen all day long and suffer from it, or they can avoid that which causes them pain/physical stress and avoid it because they know what the repercussions are.
I'm tempted all the time. Tonight, it was brownies and cookies at a carry-in. My mouth WATERED and they smelled so good! But, I didn't have one. Because where I am right now? One would have led to a binge when I got home. I can't give you any reason why other than I know myself well enough to recognize the trigger. I know this is hard-somedays impossible it seems. But it's doable- one smart decision at a time.
A healthy weight-loss goal is no more than 2-3 pounds per week. These diets you read about that promise a twenty-pound weight loss in 30 days? Get ready to yo-yo. They may work in the short-term, but for long-term results, my experience says to shoot for 2-3 pounds a week. Let me break it down for you how I did it for myself.
According to my BMR (Basic Metabolic Rate), I burn about 1600 calories just living every day. That is breathing, blinking, digesting food, tapping my foot...whatever. So, if I want to maintain the weight I am at right now, I need to eat exactly 1600 calories per day to break even. Since I want to lose weight, I am keeping my caloric intake at about 1400 calories. I'm already creating a 200 calorie deficit right there, and I haven't even hit the gym yet.
It hurts my head to do much more calculating after that. But keep in mind that just doing a little research and knowing a few numbers can make the difference in this journey. I'm still reminded of that darn candy bar... It took me 5.5 miles on the bike just to burn that bad boy off.
A friend of mine knows I am PMSing hard-core this week thanks to a rant on Facebook about my lack of chocolate and did the sweetest thing. She inter-officed me a bag of Peanut M&M's because she knows how much I love them. The gesture was wonderful! And, they are sitting in my desk drawer at work, unopened, as a reminder of the kind things friends do for each other. She didn't realize I am on a no-sweets fast, bless her heart. But, I'm stronger than that paper wrap. The instant gratification that snack would offer is not worth the derailment that would follow if I allow myself to eat it. And the guilt? Oh I would feel guilty.
And the resentment? "Why do I have to watch every damn thing I put in my mouth when so many other people can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound?" Because I'm me. And this is how I'm built. I can adapt and overcome, or I can make peace with my larger self and eat what I want. It is what it is. Some things are harder for others. This is my cross to bear. I may struggle with my weight for the rest of my life, and I am accepting that more and more. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but I liken it to someone with a food allergy. They can eat their allergen all day long and suffer from it, or they can avoid that which causes them pain/physical stress and avoid it because they know what the repercussions are.
I'm tempted all the time. Tonight, it was brownies and cookies at a carry-in. My mouth WATERED and they smelled so good! But, I didn't have one. Because where I am right now? One would have led to a binge when I got home. I can't give you any reason why other than I know myself well enough to recognize the trigger. I know this is hard-somedays impossible it seems. But it's doable- one smart decision at a time.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
And the Verdict is...
4.5 pounds down this week! Holy cow! I weighed in at 185.5 this morning. I was so perplexed, I stepped back on the scale to double check. I do believe this sugar fast is working for me!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tomorrow Tells All!
Tomorrow, I weigh in. After a week of workouts, water-drinking, and watched calories, I hope the scale will offer me a small reward. I felt thinner today, but I was wearing a new shirt, and that always happens to me when I wear new clothes. Maybe I just stand a little taller.
Last night, I kind of made a mistake, but I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I guess I made a bad decision. I went to a meeting after work, rushed home, donned my uniform, and headed to the gym prepared for an all-out sweat fest. But, I had not eaten dinner.
I ran on the treadmill for what felt like an hour but was only ten minutes. And my body was so tired! So I bailed (and scoffed at my 60 calories burned) and went to the exercise bike. Twenty minutes in, I was beyond exhausted. I started to get angry with my body when I realized I hadn't given it any food to fuel this excursion. I hadn't eaten since a small snack at 3:00, and it was nearing 8:00pm. Sometimes I wonder if I should be left alone with myself.
So, there's another lesson for you, dear readers. Even someone who has been at this for two and a half years forsakes their own rules. Never leave town on an empty tank, and never work out on an empty stomach.
I'm hoping for a one-pound weight loss tomorrow. Judging by the calories in vs. calories out, I might accomplish that. If not? Back to the science lab to examine my Petri dish and adjust accordingly.
PS: The cake was a hit at work! And I didn't secretly hope everyone who ate my favorite cake choked on it. Progress!! :)
Last night, I kind of made a mistake, but I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I guess I made a bad decision. I went to a meeting after work, rushed home, donned my uniform, and headed to the gym prepared for an all-out sweat fest. But, I had not eaten dinner.
I ran on the treadmill for what felt like an hour but was only ten minutes. And my body was so tired! So I bailed (and scoffed at my 60 calories burned) and went to the exercise bike. Twenty minutes in, I was beyond exhausted. I started to get angry with my body when I realized I hadn't given it any food to fuel this excursion. I hadn't eaten since a small snack at 3:00, and it was nearing 8:00pm. Sometimes I wonder if I should be left alone with myself.
So, there's another lesson for you, dear readers. Even someone who has been at this for two and a half years forsakes their own rules. Never leave town on an empty tank, and never work out on an empty stomach.
I'm hoping for a one-pound weight loss tomorrow. Judging by the calories in vs. calories out, I might accomplish that. If not? Back to the science lab to examine my Petri dish and adjust accordingly.
PS: The cake was a hit at work! And I didn't secretly hope everyone who ate my favorite cake choked on it. Progress!! :)
Sunday, August 7, 2011
When Slips Become Falls
I hope you don't read this blog and think I have it all figured out, conquered, and proudly run through the streets waving my checkered flag. I write this to be as honest and real with people who do not share my struggle and to give comfort and encouragement to those of you who do. I have spent too much time walking around my elephant and just want to call a spade a spade. This blog has been such a great tool for me, because I can see (as well as you, dear readers) how the patterns in my life ebb and flow. But, life happens; weight is gained and lost. And the fact that the journey still continues makes me smile.
I admit that when I hit my goal weight, I was a bit melancholy. I reached my goal and didn't have anything to push toward anymore. Now, I'm not saying I have gained weight intentionally by any means, but I do wonder if I haven't slipped into some sort of self-sabotage mode. It happened right before I went below 200 pounds; it happened again at 191 and 181. It's definitely something I feel needs attention.
I, first, noticed my "slips" when I was back to grazing at 3:00pm every day. It was as if some internal buzzer dinged and I was off and running. I wandered around the office looking for food, and if none was to be found, I'd run to the vending machine for some fantastic chocolaty reward. And one day, I couldn't make up my mind on what to buy, so I bought both. I ate one package before I got back to my desk so no one would see my 500 calorie binge. I justified that decision with, "I'm going through a hard time and PMS is a bitch." Perhaps my biggest temptation is ice cream. One hot day, someone in the office made a DQ run. So I placed my order, ate it, and then for the next two weeks, I had ice cream ever night after the kids went to bed-sometimes two bowls. Can anyone see how I've gained 14 pounds in 13 weeks? I can keep going if I haven't proven my point yet.
Today at lunch, we were talking about what we had for dessert. I didn't have anything available, so I whipped up a carrot cake real quick and never thought a thing about it. I was on my way back from Columbia this afternoon when I realized the error in my decision. That is my favorite cake! I just presented myself with a 13x9 speed bump on my no-sweets road! What was I thinking? The next question is, "Tami, did you eat any cake?" With a puffed-up chest, I can say, "No." and grin. But, you can bet your sweet lace-up shoes that I'm taking that cake to work tomorrow to get it OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Another slip: three weeks ago, I decided to test myself and smoked a Swisher Sweet cigarello. I justified it by saying, "It's not a cigarette, so it doesn't count." The next weekend, I had another one. Then I had a few more over the course of last week, and I've now had one a day for the last 4-5 days. Being a nicotine addict sucks. But, I've learned a lesson, here. I will never be one of those people who can enjoy it occasionally. I have to put it down completely and never touch it again. Am I addicted again? No, but I am playing with fire in the most literal sense and must walk away from my friend again. I know if I don't, I'll become a regular smoker again, and I know all-to-well how easy that can happen.
So, the lesson for this week? I am incapable of "maybe just a bite" and "maybe just a puff." The addictions I have may lay dormant and seem conquered, but minor slips for me can easily turn into major falls if I allow myself to cave to temptation.
I admit that when I hit my goal weight, I was a bit melancholy. I reached my goal and didn't have anything to push toward anymore. Now, I'm not saying I have gained weight intentionally by any means, but I do wonder if I haven't slipped into some sort of self-sabotage mode. It happened right before I went below 200 pounds; it happened again at 191 and 181. It's definitely something I feel needs attention.
I, first, noticed my "slips" when I was back to grazing at 3:00pm every day. It was as if some internal buzzer dinged and I was off and running. I wandered around the office looking for food, and if none was to be found, I'd run to the vending machine for some fantastic chocolaty reward. And one day, I couldn't make up my mind on what to buy, so I bought both. I ate one package before I got back to my desk so no one would see my 500 calorie binge. I justified that decision with, "I'm going through a hard time and PMS is a bitch." Perhaps my biggest temptation is ice cream. One hot day, someone in the office made a DQ run. So I placed my order, ate it, and then for the next two weeks, I had ice cream ever night after the kids went to bed-sometimes two bowls. Can anyone see how I've gained 14 pounds in 13 weeks? I can keep going if I haven't proven my point yet.
Today at lunch, we were talking about what we had for dessert. I didn't have anything available, so I whipped up a carrot cake real quick and never thought a thing about it. I was on my way back from Columbia this afternoon when I realized the error in my decision. That is my favorite cake! I just presented myself with a 13x9 speed bump on my no-sweets road! What was I thinking? The next question is, "Tami, did you eat any cake?" With a puffed-up chest, I can say, "No." and grin. But, you can bet your sweet lace-up shoes that I'm taking that cake to work tomorrow to get it OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Another slip: three weeks ago, I decided to test myself and smoked a Swisher Sweet cigarello. I justified it by saying, "It's not a cigarette, so it doesn't count." The next weekend, I had another one. Then I had a few more over the course of last week, and I've now had one a day for the last 4-5 days. Being a nicotine addict sucks. But, I've learned a lesson, here. I will never be one of those people who can enjoy it occasionally. I have to put it down completely and never touch it again. Am I addicted again? No, but I am playing with fire in the most literal sense and must walk away from my friend again. I know if I don't, I'll become a regular smoker again, and I know all-to-well how easy that can happen.
So, the lesson for this week? I am incapable of "maybe just a bite" and "maybe just a puff." The addictions I have may lay dormant and seem conquered, but minor slips for me can easily turn into major falls if I allow myself to cave to temptation.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Where I am
In the 13 weeks since I quit smoking, I have managed to gain 14 pounds and weighed in at 190 pounds yesterday morning. I felt my heart simulaneously pound and break. I heard my inner athlete whisper through choked-back tears, "That's only 10 pounds from 200. What are you doing to me?" I'm scared, irritated with myself, and energized. I know how to do this. I've done this before, and I can do this again.
Yesterday, I had a little less than 1400 calories in and burned approximately 1100. I mowed for 80 minutes then went to the gym and pumped out 5.5 miles in 20 minutes. Seeing the pool of sweat drops under that bike made me smile and reminded me how much I love and missed this.
Today, I'm so tempted to weigh, and I know better than to follow through with that. I will only get discouraged when it doesn't budge. Rome wasn't build in a day, and 5 pounds doesn't melt over night. I am on day three of no sweets, increasing my water intake, taking my mult-vitamin, and increasing my activity level. So here we go!
My sister said something to me during the warrior dash that has been echoing in my mind ever since. She said I've always had that internal drive- the stamina to endure physical exersion. And when she said that, she had no idea that I was fighting a HUGE mental battle at that moment. About a mile into the race, I started getting chills, nausea, a headache, dizziness, and I recognized these symptoms immediately. I was on the verge of a heat-related illness which scared me. One side of me was nudging me to tap out, quit...fail. The other side was calming me, talking me through it... "You know what to do. Slow down, back off, cool down, drink water. You're fine; you've got this."
I began to think of all the things that I have done in my life that were harder, more miserable, and I survived them- hell I even dominated. I went through basic training in the summer of 1996 in South Carolina. And it was HOT. I was fully-dressed wearing combat boots, carrying a 35 pound ruck sack and an 8 pound M-16. I drank water from lister bags with 3 inch cockroaches and rotting leaves floating in the top. I have lost 60 pounds, kicked a food addiction, had my heart broken (repeatedly), quit smoking cigarettes, and learned to build my own life for the first time at 32 years old. It's amazing what you can make yourself do when you don't give yourself a choice.
Yesterday, I had a little less than 1400 calories in and burned approximately 1100. I mowed for 80 minutes then went to the gym and pumped out 5.5 miles in 20 minutes. Seeing the pool of sweat drops under that bike made me smile and reminded me how much I love and missed this.
Today, I'm so tempted to weigh, and I know better than to follow through with that. I will only get discouraged when it doesn't budge. Rome wasn't build in a day, and 5 pounds doesn't melt over night. I am on day three of no sweets, increasing my water intake, taking my mult-vitamin, and increasing my activity level. So here we go!
My sister said something to me during the warrior dash that has been echoing in my mind ever since. She said I've always had that internal drive- the stamina to endure physical exersion. And when she said that, she had no idea that I was fighting a HUGE mental battle at that moment. About a mile into the race, I started getting chills, nausea, a headache, dizziness, and I recognized these symptoms immediately. I was on the verge of a heat-related illness which scared me. One side of me was nudging me to tap out, quit...fail. The other side was calming me, talking me through it... "You know what to do. Slow down, back off, cool down, drink water. You're fine; you've got this."
I began to think of all the things that I have done in my life that were harder, more miserable, and I survived them- hell I even dominated. I went through basic training in the summer of 1996 in South Carolina. And it was HOT. I was fully-dressed wearing combat boots, carrying a 35 pound ruck sack and an 8 pound M-16. I drank water from lister bags with 3 inch cockroaches and rotting leaves floating in the top. I have lost 60 pounds, kicked a food addiction, had my heart broken (repeatedly), quit smoking cigarettes, and learned to build my own life for the first time at 32 years old. It's amazing what you can make yourself do when you don't give yourself a choice.
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