Different Roads

Last night on the way home from a friend's house, I hit a few pot-holes in the road and noticed some vibration in my car afterward.  I started to freak out a little- let my mind get the best of me; "What's torn up, now? I just put new tires on the front of my car. How much is it going to cost?  Why can't I catch a break?"  And, the more I obsessed over it, the "worse" it seemed to get. I was just about to stop my car and inspect all of the tires when I changed roads.  All at once, the vibration stopped, and the car was fine.  See, there wasn't anything wrong with my car; the road I was on was merely a bumpy road.

I love it when I see parallels in life to life.   Occasionally, life may throw down a big bump in the road that wakes us up and might make us question the path we're traveling. We might focus on how hard it is, become intimidated that the changes are overwhelming and sometimes even pull off on the side of the road to see what the hell is wrong with us that makes this road seem so rough!  But, sometimes, it's just a tough strip of land we're traveling through.  That's weight loss.  That's how life changes work.  That's how we learn and grow.  And there is always hope for a smoother road ahead.

I know this is hard.  Believe me, I do.  But, think of your weight loss as you would a retirement plan.  You may not be able to fund the entire plan in one day, but you can make a small contribution to make yourself more comfortable in the future.  What small contribution can you make, today, to further yourself in your weight loss/life? 

I weighed myself on Tuesday and was pleasantly surprised that I was back down to 181.5 pounds.  (Last week was a cruel joke, Mother Nature!)  Thursday night, I had a great workout.  We walked 1.2 miles to warm up, stretched, did 20 minutes of free-weight cardio, and 5.25 miles on the bike (in 20 minutes).  I was at the gym all-total a little over an hour and burned a little less than 600 calories.  This week, I have done a great job at drinking more water daily, and I've made smarter food choices.  Today, I plan to hit the gym, drink 5 bottles of water, and do a little journaling.  And, Tuesday, if the scale doesn't reward me for a job well-done, I know I can continue to tweak my eating plan, work out a little more, and be proud that I am working harder to take good care of myself. 

Lord, may I never focus so hard on my destination that I fail to enjoy the rewards, excitement, and learning opportunities of each day on this journey.  Amen.

The X Factor

I think for the first time in my life, I am unsure of what to say.  I am experiencing some sort of writer's block, here, and quite frankly, it is very frustrating.  I have had a few blog ideas come to me the last few days, and when I sit down to write, they're gone. 

In my last blog update, I announced I was on day four (I think) of no sweets.  I've lost track of the days, now, but I have not caved and partaken in the delicious goodness that seems to be lurking in every corner.  And, oh, how I want it! I caught myself earlier in the evening trying to talk myself into having a cookie.  I even went so far as to bribe myself; "It's a reward! You've done a good job. Go ahead."  But, since I have come so far already, I just couldn't do it. And, I must admit, my faithful readers, you had a hand in that.  I didn't want to let ya down. :)

I'm going to go off the beaten path tonight and write about something not weight-loss related.  One of the questions I ask myself is, "If nothing in your life ever changed from this day, would you still be happy?"   On any given day, this can be a comfort or the kick in the pants I need to reevaluate my priorities.  Many things in life are purely circumstantial and won't last forever...fights, migraines, winter 'blues', painful break-ups, you know, the normal stuff that happens in life.  But how many times have you said, "If X would happen, then I'd be happy."

What is your X factor?  Is it within your control?  If the statement is, "If I could lose twenty pounds, then I'd be happy," then yes, that is in your control.  "If I could get a job doing ____, then I'd be happy."  That is, yet, another thing, that can have action taken to attain.  When I am looking at my X factors, I break them down into smaller bites to give myself a sense of accomplishment.  Right now, one of my X factors is, "If I could just get back to my old routine, I'd be happy."  That routine consisted of drinking 80 ounces of water a day, working out four days a week for an hour at a time, knowing an exact calorie count for intake and burn every day, and no sweets.  I'm tackling the sweets already; I've increased my water intake, I'm monitoring my calories, but I'm getting hung up with the work-outs.  There are many reasons (read excuses) for that.  But all-in-all, it is my failure to prioritize that which is important only to me. 

I stepped on the scale this week, and the number on the scale broke my heart.  I have gained 4.5 pounds in the last two weeks.  There may be extenuating circumstances to that beyond my control, (For all you women out there reading this, you'll probably know what I referring to.) but Tuesday's weigh-in will tell all.   There will be no excuse, nothing to blame it on.

So, it's time to get serious.  Casey and I were talking last night about scheduling workout times and actually putting it on the planner like we did last year until it becomes a given and part of our routine again.  Hopefully we can make that happen. :)

My House and My Key

"I am bigger than anything that can happen to me. All these things, sorrow, misfortune, and suffering, are outside my door. I am in the house and I have the key." ~Charles Fletcher Lummis

Today is day two of no sweet foods.  I've noticed I've had a headache off and on the last day or so, and while I'm not certain it's related to my "detox", I can imagine they're intertwined.  It was another tough day, but it was easier today than it was yesterday. The cravings weren't as intense and didn't last as long.  My family even had dessert this evening after dinner, and I did not partake. Granted, I was standing on the other end of the kitchen BEGGING them to stay away from me with those delectable little goodies, but hey, a little begging never hurt, and maybe I burned a few extra calories in my madness. 

The quote above was delivered to me via Facebook at just the right time.  I've felt, lately, that I'm standing at the threshold of a door to the unknown. But, I had it all wrong.  I'm not walking into a house; I'm standing firmly in my own!  To be standing on someone else's doorstep felt uncomfortable and uncertain.  But, once I stopped and actually looked around, everything is familiar. Everything is mine.  My joy, my peace, my determination, my willingness to change what I can about myself to improve my daily life.  None of this is outside; it's in my "house". It's in me!  And I, alone, hold the key. (While God steadies my hand.)

Cheating, not giving it my all, making excuses...that doesn't let down the scale.  That doesn't let down my favorite exercise bike at the gym. That lets me down.  And, before my journey began, I never felt like I mattered in the equation. "So what? It's just me."  But, if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? Moreover, who would you be willing to trust?


I feel a new sense of empowerment.  I'm already doing little things every day to get back on track as I stare down the next fifteen pounds to my new goal weight. On this journey, I have learned so much about myself and while it can, at times, be unsettling and scary, I've also learned a very valuable lesson.  I'm human.  I'm imperfect. (I know...that was a shock to me, too.)  When I embraced my imperfection, though, I quit beating myself up for stumbles and scratched knees.  But, the most important thing I have learned thus far is to keep going.  Even when it seems like I'm making no progress or I'm not reaching my goals as quickly as I want, I keep going.  

So, I challenge you.  Look around your "house".  Who has your keys?  Have you simply misplaced them?  Try to remember what motivated you in the first place to make improvements in your current lifestyle.  Write them down.  Now, think about what you want, but use the present tense.  For example, instead of saying, "I want to lose weight", or, "I'm going to lose weight",  write, "I am losing weight."  "I am feeling better."  "I am taking small steps today to improve my daily life."  Wanting to and going to aren't doing.  Give yourself that positive affirmation that yes, you are committed to this, but I also encourage you to remember that this process is action taken one day at a time.  Making the decision to lose weight or change old habits is not a one-time deal.  It is a daily commitment to yourself.  And boy, are you worth it!

Moving in the Right Direction

As I sat down to write this entry, I was certain at least two days must have gone by since my last blog update. Alas, it has been one.  In the last twenty-four hours, though, I have managed to resist temptation and have not had anything sweet to eat. And let me tell ya, there have been some BIG cravings...huge!  Especially around three o'clock this afternoon.  I felt the slow burn radiate in the pit of my stomach, vibrate through my body, and the word, CHOCOLATE, stamped itself straight across my line of vision.  I felt the natural predator in me begin to mentally stalk its prey, traveling down familiar paths to where the known darlings were lying in wait.  (I feel like I should be whispering in an Australian accent right now. LOL)  My instincts told me to pounce, but luckily, I recognized the craving as simply a craving and not a life-or-death situation. Though, it SURE felt like it!  :)  So, I was a good girl and popped in a piece of gum, chugged some water, and reminded myself of my detox plan.  Caving in now, no matter how small it is, will simply set me back. And, I can do this!

Last night, while my son was at wrestling practice, I went to the gym and did a quick 30-minute workout.  I was frustrated at the small amount of time I had and started down the "well, that was hardly even worth it!" road.  But, there's so much more going on right now than a calorie burn, and I had to remind myself of that.  I did it!  I went to the gym for the second time this week!  I'm getting back into the habit, breaking old chains, forming new routines, and taking baby steps to get to where I want to be.  Progress, not perfection, right?  So, instead of getting twitchy about what I didn't do, I gave myself a pat on the back for even showing up at the gym on a cold, rushed evening.  Here's what I did:

Warm up: 
1 mile on the stationary bike (3 minutes and some change)
Stretches (No idea...forgot to time it. LOL)
Workout:
Free-weight cardio- I use 5 pound dumbbells, crank up the tunes, and do various upper body moves- 10 reps apiece, then go straight into the next set.  I mix it up...basically just having fun and it really does get me sweating.   I try to target every muscle group at least twice when I'm doing this and go for 20 minutes.  Last night, I had to cut it in half.  So 10 minutes.
3 miles on the bike- 12 minutes.
Cool down:
3 laps around the track (not even 1/2 a mile)- 5 minutes? Maybe?
Stretch

Since this was an abbreviated workout, everything was cut in half from what I had done previously. However, it's probably a good thing, since I'm no longer conditioned for an hour-long super-human-goddess-of-gym-equipment workouts.  Knowing me, I probably would have hurt myself if I'd been left unattended much longer. LOL 

So, today, I drank my water, made healthier choices, updated my blog, and survived yet another twelve hours of doing something that, at times, runs against the grain for me.  I haven't reached my destination, but I'm proud of myself for moving in the right direction. 

Visiting a Foreign Land

I heard an interesting talk show this morning on the way to work. The host was explaining his trip to a foreign country and the effect it had on him.  He described his conversation with a young child, and something he said really struck me.  He said, "We had to have a translator, of course, because this kid can't speak English."  Can't speak English?  You're in his country! He's speaking the language he knows!  It's YOU that can't speak HIS language. 

And then it struck me.  I find myself getting irritated or self-righteous at times at alllll the tempting food, all of the opportunity for bad food choices, and I want to yell at them, "Why are you doing this to me? Can't you see this is already difficult?"  But you see, I'm in their land!  Just because I have the desire to change my eating habits and exercise more IN NO WAY prompts the rest of the world to adjust to my lifestyle.  In this world of fast food, pre-packaged goodies, high-calorie DELICIOUS beverages, it takes a  lot of discipline to keep on walking with a gracious "no, thank-you."

And let me just say, I don't always get it right. But, I keep trying.  For example: (I'm laughing even as I'm typing this...)  I work with all men in my department, and they've seen the transformation and how hard I've worked.  They don't say much (typical males), but I know they're proud of me.  I came to work Monday complaining about being sore from my workout Sunday.  Later that afternoon, I had a sugar craving and bought a bag of chocolaty goodness. I will not tell you what it was, because I am not going to be responsible for triggering any cravings out there. LOL.  Anyway, I was eating them at my desk, and one of the guys said, "Damn, girl, I thought you were trying to lose weight! Why are you eating those?!"  Which of course triggered my already-existing guilt.  So I whipped around and said, "Well thank you, Richard Simmons, for keeping an accurate calorie watch for me."  He stared blankly at me for a few seconds and said, "Well, you're the one that wants to lose more weight, and you've done such a good job thus far.  I don't want to see you go the other way after you've worked so hard." 

I was not offended by David's comments to me, because I knew where his heart was. (And let's face it. Men + Communicating Feelings= Train Wreck 99% of the time...LOL)  In fact, it brought me to another realization which I can sum up pretty quickly:  Talk the talk, as you walk the walk.  What a great reminder for me!  And, it also made me feel really good that someone outside of my circle is silently cheering me on. :) 

So here's what I've noticed about myself this week.  I have pinned down two emotional triggers that prompt me to eat.  Anger and loneliness. This isn't much of an awakening for me, since I pretty much knew that already, but I was ECSTATIC when I recognized I was on the verge of a binge and why.  That's progress. I was able to stop and recognize that I wasn't hungry; I was trying to fulfill my needs with food. 

I've also noticed that my sugar cravings are back. Around the same time every day, I get that "OMG...NEED SOMETHING SWEET NOW!!!"  mission.  In order for me to get rid of that, I will have to go about 4-7 days without anything sweet. Purge my body of it, basically, or "detox" as Casey and I call it.  So that's my next mission at hand.  I bought two packs of sugar-free gum a few nights ago, and I've got my water (which I chug when I'm craving something sweet.), so hopefully I can report back with good news.  One of my favorite quotes is:

Just for today, I will try to live through this day only,
 and not tackle my whole life problem
 at once. I can do something for twelve hours
 that would appall me if I felt that I had to
 keep it up for a lifetime.

 

When I apply this to my journey, I know that I can go 12 hours without a cookie.  To think of never having another cookie in my life?  BRING ON THE HYPERVENTILATION BAG!  So, I'm not going into deprivation mode, here... not going to say "this is the last____".  But, just for today?  Yeah, I can do that.

My Bridge

I've made some bad decisions in my life, more than I care to recall or recant.  But, a few years ago, I found myself standing at a canyon, looking at the beautiful wonderland on the other side wide-eyed and hopeful.  The only way to that side, though, was an unsteady rope bridge.  I prayed, "God, can't you make this easier?"  He asked me, "How bad do you want it, Tami?"  Trust me when I say, I looked all OVER that side of the canyon for safe passage down so as to avoid that test.  And, I found myself back at the bridge.  So I took a step.  My heart was pounding, my hands were sweaty, and everything in me said, "Get off this bridge! Go back to where it's safe!"  And then, I looked up, and God was smiling at me. I looked down, and my feet were planted securely on a plank of gold.  When it came time for me to take another step, same thing...heart was pounding, mind was racing...and while I was scared to do it again, I knew God was with me the last time, and I knew He'd be there again. 

Today after church, I wanted to work out in the worst way.  I needed to get my heart rate up, needed to sweat, needed to get off the mat and today was the day.  All I could think of was, "Is it safe, now, to get back my membership?  What if....What if...what if...."  Then, I remembered my bridge.   And all at once, it came to me.  I don't HAVE to buy a monthly membership...I had enough cash in my wallet to pay for a one-day entrance!  It was like a light came on in my head. I had been doing such black-and-white thinking, I hadn't even considered that as an option.  Change-in-perspective MUCH? 

That was all it took.  I was dressed and out the door quick as a flash.  When I hopped on that bike, I felt like I'd sat down for coffee with an old friend.  I remembered why I had started my journey;  I remembered how much enjoyment I had when I worked out; I remembered the sense of pride I had in myself.  When I stood in front of the mirror by the free weights, I saw myself with new eyes.  And, I smiled. 

So, I left the gym with a renewed membership.  I took another step on my bridge, and guess what...today? It felt REALLY good.  Today, I was not fearful, and God and I had one helluva good workout. :)

Your past does not have to control your present or determine your future.

I said to a man who stood at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied, “Go out into the darkness and
put your hand in the hand of God. That shall be to you
better than a light and safer than a known way.”

— Quoted by King George VI of England

 A little classroom participation, please!  Raise your hand if you have tried to lose weight or make changes in your lifestyle in the past.  Now, raise your hand if you did not reach your goal or came up short in some way.  Hands down.  Raise your hand if you are currently battling a demon that says "But I've tried this before, and I failed."  This could be one big reason why getting started is a big problem for a lot of people. It is for me, that's for sure.  I said it once in an earlier blog; the hardest part of a workout is lacing up your tennis shoes- making that decision to work out and get going.  And the hardest part about starting an eating plan (remember...no "D" word, here...I don't use the word "diet"...it sounds too punitive.) and exercise routine is that it requires change. And change requires discipline. 

Most people tend to start off strong and fizzle out after a few weeks because they begin with too many changes at once and it becomes overwhelming.  Let's face it.  It is NOT EASY working out four-five nights a week and hauling two small children to the gym, or trying to do a workout video while your family asks you fifteen questions about things that really could wait.  It's not easy, but it is important. It's important because it's something we do for ourselves.  This is why I encourage people to start off small. Make small changes at first instead of going straight to the big 'un. (the gym and a deprivation diet.) Set a goal to drink X amount of water in X amount of time.   If you miss the mark by a little at first, no biggie!! Progress, not perfection, remember?  Look at your calendar and see if you can find one or two nights a week to get moving.  Dance with the kiddos, walk on a treadmill, ride your bike (if you can stand the cold weather, UNLIKE ME.)  Start off slow.  Build up a little confidence in yourself.  And be sure to pat yourself on the back DAILY for a job well done when you reach those little goals. And, if you're the journaling type, record your atta boys and tell yourself you're doing a good job.

From what "they" say, it takes approximately 21 days to make a habit.  Three weeks... from my experience, that was very true.  It took about three weeks of DRAGGING myself to the gym and accountability to my work-out partner before it became a given that on this day, at this time, I was going to be at the gym, come hell or high water.  I began to look forward to my workouts.  I look forward to beginning them again!

Yes, you see, I am still on the mat!  I'm battling exactly what you are, right now.  I have the "want to", but I haven't flipped the switch that says, "I'm going to".  I'm starting off slowly.  I've been drinking my water, eyeballing what I'm eating, taking mental notes as to why I'm eating and what I'm eating....I'm preparing for my begin date.  I guess you could say I'm "prepping for surgery". :)  I'm taking an inventory of where I am right now and plotting my course for where I want to be.

But know that today, this is your now.  Make peace with any attempts you've made in the past and know you did the best you could with what you had at the time.  And, your past experiences have been learning opportunities. So look at how much smarter you are this time around!  You haven't failed; you've simply found other ways that didn't work before. :)   

The Flood Gates Have Opened!

Apparently I have really missed blogging, because I have countless posts running through my mind all at once! 

I want to share with you the meaning behind the name of my blog and tell you the story about the profile picture I chose.  The title of my blog, "Athlete in Training" was intended to be a changed perspective for myself.  I had never seen myself as an athlete, which I figured might have played into my problem.  So, I had a change in perspective and started thinking and acting like an athlete in training. Hence the name. 

The picture I chose was taken on a very special day for me.  When I separated from my ex-husband, I wanted to keep my house in the worst way.  I loved the house, loved the location, and of course, it was my children's home.  With all the changes going on regarding the divorce, the least I could do was keep them in it.  However, affording it on my own was a big concern.  I had to get it refinanced in my own name, and I wasn't sure if I could carry that large of a loan on my income.  I worried and prayed, but I was determined if at all possible to keep my house, no matter what.  Failure was not an option, but I was at the mercy of the mortgage company.


My profile picture was taken the day I signed the paperwork and became the sole owner of my house.  I felt safe, secure, and I knew we were going to be O.K.  When I signed the last document, I cried with relief and pride. It was a momentous occasion.  I had my best friend and my boyfriend standing there watching, all smiles, silently cheering me on.  Sometimes when I'm discouraged and feel unsure, I will flip through the album and remind myself of that day, and I'm so glad I have pictures of my accomplishment.

Another visual reminder I have is a painting I bought last year.  I could write FOUR blog posts just explaining what it means to me, because it symbolizes that much.  Kindness, understanding, encouragement, beauty, healing, hope...and above all, another personal achievement. I always wanted to own an original painting but never let myself spend the money on it.  I am worth it. So I did it. :)  This painting also reminds me of a time when I was really happy even in the midst of fear in life's major changes. (divorce, single-parenting, weight loss...the list goes on and on)  I've spent hours looking at that painting, and it serves as a center of gravity for me.  Again, another visual reminder of things that I can accomplish when I remind myself that I'm worthy of nice things.  Just because you're cool, I'll share a picture of my treasure, here.

Artist: Nick Houston

So here's your challenge.  Find a picture, find an object, find something that brings you joy. Display it.  Study it. Smell it, hell- kiss it if you have to. But find something that reminds you of a time when you were truly happy in your life.  Let it serve as a pillar of hope for brighter days and encourage you to stay the course when you need a little boost.  I hope you will find it gives you the same, "Sigh...I'm OK" that mine give me.

Finding "The Mental Zone"

I remember when I was 21- I had just gone up another size and was between a 16 and 18.  I was shopping at Maurice's looking for a black skirt for a waitressing job I was starting the next day.  I tried on a skirt and it fit, but it was way too short to be bending over tables in.  When I came out of the dressing room, the young lady working the store asked me, "Did it fit?"  I sighed and said, "No..." but before I could finish she wrinkled up her nose sympathetically and said, "Was it too small?"  I was stunned!  I said, "No, it was too short.  Are there any other black skirts in the store?"  She said, "Ma'am, I don't think you will find anything in here that you can wear.  You might try Lane Bryant."  I smiled and said thank you, and I raced out of the store before I burst into tears of humiliation. 

I have to say, at one point in my life, I viewed weight loss as conformity.  I got angry because If there was a revolution-of-the-big'uns to be had, you can bet your bottom dollar I would be Madame 2X.  I didn't want to lose weight because everyone else thought I needed to. (And, when I say "everyone", I mean health care providers, people who didn't know me and might think "wow, chick...put the snack cake down and walk away slowly."  Whether anyone thought that or not, I don't know...but that's the mindset I was in at the time.)  I didn't want to lose weight because that meant in some weird way I was dissatisfied with myself and at that point in my life, I was trying to CONVINCE myself how happy I was when I really wasn't happy at all.  It went much deeper than love handles and saddle bags.

When I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't happy with my life and started looking at all of the "whys", I realized that my binge eating and lack of self-care was directly related to my emotional state and failure to deal with issues I was suppressing. The weight gain wasn't the problem, it was a physical manifestation of many other issues going on beneath the surface.  So, when I started dealing with those issues and coming to grips with things I COULD change, I started making slow progress and rebuilt a little self-esteem and pride.  Once I had a little confidence in myself, I felt I could tackle this weight thing with new eyes and a new attitude.  And, I could see myself with compassion and love instead of a fat, lazy, and out-of-shape.  Think of it like this:  Have you ever been the the ER?  Let's say you were working on a project and somehow, you cut a deep gash in your thigh.  (Now, for those of you who know me and my fear of being cut, you'll know that my heart is POUNDING right now and I might have to go lie down for a minute..LOL) Anyway, back to the ER... what they do is ask you ONCE..."what happened?"  You explain the mishap, they patch you up and give you instructions on how to care for the wound. They do not call you for years on end and remind you of a mistake you made, don't brow beat you and call you an idiot or numb-skull because an accident happened. And, if you're smart, you'll remember how it happened and take precautions to prevent another pretty scar on your leg.

Adapt that to your journey now.  Everything you have experienced, tried, survived, or attempted has led you to this path right.  But, now, it's up to you to find the mental zone and focus in on what is important to you.  If you look in the mirror and are dissatisfied with the bat wings under your arms, then find an exercise you can do daily to tone up that area. You can't change the bat wings today, but you can take active steps to improve them.  It serves no purpose to look at the bat wings and remind yourself of fifteen poor food choices that got them there. The days of self-loathing and punishment are over.  Declare it today! No more negative self-speak.  If you still have your journal, grab it and write 10 things you like about yourself.  If you can't think of ten, email me, and I'll remind you.  Because, when we can't remember the good things about ourselves, remember, there are hundreds of other people out there who love us and accept us just the way we are right WHERE we are.    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get my journal.  Keep in mind, I'm not just writing about this; I'm living it. :)

A New Year

I recently wrote a note on Facebook about the things I learned this year.  I didn't get into my weight loss journey much, because frankly, people are probably getting sick of hearing about it. LOL.  But, for those of us who have struggled with weight problems, it is a big deal to lose weight and keep it off.

I have not been working out or monitoring my caloric intake much since mid-summer, and I am proud to announce that I am still maintaining my current weight at 180 pounds. (56 pounds lost thus far.)  However, I am still 5 pounds away from my goal weight of 175. I decided when I set that goal that I would hit it, see how I felt, and determine then if I wanted to go lower.  I've decided, now, that I am going to head on down to 165, but I doubt I will go much lower than that.  I have no interest in being "skinny" as I like my curves, but I am very proud of my accomplishment thus far.

This is my starting picture- 236 pounds

 

I bought this dress for a business trip to Chicago.  When my daughter took this picture of me, I was CERTAIN there had to have been some kind of problem when I rotated the picture, because I didn't LOOK like that in real life...did I?

Here's a picture of me, now.  This was taken this summer on my way to the family reunion.

Soooo, the big question is, where do we go from here?  Back to the gym and back to the basics, of course!  The holidays are over; no more excuses for not getting back on track, right?  Remember what I said in one of my side-bars--Your past does not have to control your present or determine your future.  If you stop and think about what you've tried and what didn't work, chalk it up to a learning experience and try something new.  This is a new year full of options and possibility.  Embrace the white canvas, envision the life you want to have, pick a color, and get busy!!  :)  Oh, and GET OFF THE MAT!